I've been writing...

...but I can't post any of it here. Too open. I know I don't have very many readers, but I am easy to locate IRL with this blog address. I think I may have to set up a private blog to deal with some of my life confusion.

I got my first diary when I was 7 years old. It was small, with a tiny brass lock and key. I didn't have a key to our house, so I didn't have a key fob. I made one from ribbon and buttons from my mom's sewing stash, put my diary key on it, and started to write. Since then, I've filled countless pages with thoughts and doodles, lists, goals, dreams and aspirations, the occasional pressed flower or leaf...just my small life writ even smaller, I suppose. I rarely look at my old journals ~ once something is written there, it generally stays there. (An aside: My mom read my diary [oh, the betrayal!] when I was a teenager, so for a couple of years the books are full of code words and symbols. Also many blatant lies to see if she was still reading. [She was.]) The thought of writing in those books for an audience? Not gonna happen. They are written to purge ~ to get the broad strokes of my feelings and thoughts out of my head so I can concentrate on looking at things logically.

Blogging is different. The expectation is that I am writing for an audience of one. I am writing for me, of course ~ after all, what else is blogging but navel-gazing? ~ but I am also writing for you. So not hitting "publish" is kicking my butt. Besides, I'm guessing that there are others who read me who are or have been at the crossroads I find myself facing.

All of this to ask, if you have an opinion ~ where should I put my private blog? It can't reside on blogger, obviously, since all my IRL and wider-web stuff links up here. I need the ability to password protect postings. Typepad? Moveable Type? Some other platform? Help a girl out, please?! :)

Linky Love

I can't help it ~ I don't wanna write tonight. Too much swirling in my brain to pin anything down coherently. I've been noodling around my "Favorites" list instead of writing, so here are a few things that I love today:

mimi smartypants: "MARSUPIAL SMACKDOWN! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Joshilyn Jackson at Faster Than Kudzu is having a contest. Go enter if you want to read Stieg Larsson's current release The Girl Who Played With Fire. JJ is one of my super-favorite Southern authors, and Larsson's writing is superb. Highly recommended!

I love free internet radio. I've been jamming at Jango for a couple of weeks now. I started at Pandora but much prefer the search functionality at Jango. Go! Listen to music! Be inspired!

(Start here: http://www.jango.com/stations/105349068/tunein?proxy_id=41310193&song_id=177526 )

And have a fantastic Thursday.

This song is rockin' my Wednesday morning

Toby Lightman has a fantastic voice and I love this song.

Strange how music grabs you in marketing ~ "Let Go" is featured in a new ad for Redken products, which popped up while I was listening to Dave Matthews Band and noodling around on Facebook this morning. The song grabbed me, and I stayed right there and watched/listened to a Redken ad on a video on how to choose your blonde color and then style your hair like Farrah Fawcett just so I could maybe find out who it was in the end credits. Lucky me, they credited Toby and gave a link to her web site. Check her out ~ I listened to a bunch of her songs on youtube and will definitely be picking up her album.

Disclaimer: Redken has never heard of me. My hair products come from the local big box discount retailer. I haven't colored my hair since 1988, I think. lol Toby Lightman? Has also never heard of me. I was just blown away by her voice and the sassy tone of this song.

Eh, why are you still here? Go listen to the music!

First Day of School

Maddy went back to school today. It was so awesome, watching her face light up as the bus arrived, her feet kicking with glee as she and her wheelchair rode the lift onto the (brand new!) bus. Man, I love this kid, and it thrills me to see her react so positively to school. This has always been one of my favorite times of the year...new clothes, new school supplies, a new classroom full of possibilities.

I spent the rest of my day letting my mind wander. Sometimes, I really need a quiet house so I can think. It was absolutely glorious and felt a little decadent to have the house to myself for a solid 8 hours. I'd actually forgotten what it was like to wander the house in my nightgown (no robe!) in the daylight hours. I love our nurses so much, but having someone in my house all summer is mentally exhausting to me. (My inner hermit disapproves.)

Speaking of exhaustion ~ I haz it. Since I didn't sleep much today, I need a few hours of in-the-dark sleep to catch up.

And tomorrow? I have a whole 'nother eight hours of solitude and peace.

I love school.