Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Stream-of-consciousness Ramblings

I read this today and was struck dumb ~ in wonder and in awe of what medicine can do now. Wow.

I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) on my 30th birthday. My FSH levels were over 100 (can't recall what the exact number was right now...) and our daughter was almost 2 years old. We'd been trying, again unsuccessfully, to become pregnant again since Maddy's birth. It was a rollercoaster.

I found myself drawn to a community of women on a bulletin board that I frequented, but there were very few in my same situation. I frantically researched the donor egg scenario, but we just didn't have the money for it. With Maddy's special needs taking over the family budget in a big way, we just elected to "wait and see". I started HRT and prayed. I moved on from the pursuit of another child. Am I content with it? No, not really. But it is no longer an obsession, which believe me is a good thing.


My MIL was here this past weekend. She arrived with Annie, Mis, and Da Boys trailing her on June 1. Sissy and her nuclear fam left on Sunday to head back home. Momma elected to stay with us through today so she could drive me to my doctor's appointment yesterday.

Jan held a circle for me in our yard on Sunday. She sang and everyone prayed. We also smoked a pipe together. When Two Otters sang over me with the eagle feather, I had chills all up and down my body. I'd never been invited into a circle before. It was powerful. There was a nice breeze to cool our sweaty brows, and the sweet grass, sage, cedar, cherry tobacco, (and others) made the Circle smell like Eden to me. I am so blessed. Thank you, Momma, for coming here and loving me. You couldn't be a better mother-in-law or a better Granny to our Maddy. I love you.


I still have the damned headache, of course. It gets better for maybe 2-3 hours (only a 6 or a 7! Woohoo!) and then it ramps back up again. I finally have an appointment with the Headache Specialist (they actually have a clinic devoted to headache sufferers!) on June 27. I hope he has some answers for me. I have a couple of alternative options on the back burner if this doc doesn't have It for me. (Whatever It is.)


I'm going to be busily uploading pics of Maddy to this blog over the next few days. Watch for 'em. :) She's really cute, and growing like a weed. The geneticist opined that her adult height may reach 5'1". If so, she will be a giant among little people. lol In November, we were buying 5T sizes for her birthday. Today, she wears a girls' 7-8. She's taking steps (assisted) all over the place, but is l-a-z-y when it comes to therapy. Little toot.


I have really been struggling with dark-blue thoughts, but I know that Momma's visit helped me on that score. Just having her near me eases me. I can calm down. Breathe. Relax. I swear, if we could bottle her aura, we'd have World Peace. I wish she could stay near us. I miss being with her.


Father's Day is the 19th this year, but T is getting his gift tomorrow. I cannot WAIT! I am not about to post what it is here until after he's gone tomorrow ~ chances are he'll be reading! Guess if you'd like. lol The "comments" are on.


I'm going to go and play around a bit before I head to bed. Watch this space...I will be using it.

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