methinks

My chat with a psychic...

2011-08-21T16:56:00.001-05:00

So, this is my first compensated post, which is to say that I received a free psychic reading from Hollywood Psychics in return for writing about my experience. Thanks, Cecily for the hook-up for the free reading!

First, let me say that I've never consulted a psychic before. I had a friend read tarot cards for me once, but she was new to the process, and it was very "hit or miss". I'm also a confirmed skeptic, usually trusting my own thoughts and abilities far more so than anyone else's, at least when it comes to predicting my future (and my future behaviors!) but since this was at zero risk to my pocketbook, I figured why not try it.

I called the toll-free number for Hollywood Psychics, and was directed to a series of greetings recorded by each psychic/medium/reader. I listened for a few minutes, then chose to speak with Maya, who described herself as clairvoyant. Within moments, she was on the line at a rate of $2.29 per minute. We spoke for about 20-25 minutes.

My first question was about my love life, of course. I'm almost divorced, and I have someone in my life that I refer to as my "not-boyfriend". lol He's an old flame that rekindled last fall after my husband and I separated. Without any information other than his name, she told me that his work keeps him away from me far more than either of us likes (which is actually why he's my "not-boyfriend"!) and that we have a shot at a life together, which made me feel good. She was pretty vague, of course...which is what I expected. Still, I give her points for getting the reason why we're not actual boyfriend/girlfriend right on the first try. There were other things said, of course...she said he's an "excellent match" for me, but that "he's afraid" of how quickly things have been moving (me, too!), yet he's "very passionate" about me. Again, generalities that anyone could say at the beginning stages of almost any love relationship.

My next question was about Miss M. She asked her age & name, and then started talking about some boy that M's supposedly interested in, and what a bad influence this boy could be. I stopped her there, explainling that M is IDD, and that while she's interested in boys, she isn't in a position to be influenced one way or another. I consider that portion of the reading to be a total FAIL. If she were truly a psychic/clairvoyant, wouldn't she be able to tell that M is a special-needs kid? I did explain that she had totally missed that one, and she was apologetic.

Still, I continued with the reading.

Next, I asked for a spirit contact with my deceased father. She said, "He's sitting back, approving of your choices but always expecting more from you." That's dead-on (no pun intended!) and is exactly how my dad acted when he was alive. Of course, once again ~ extremely general. She did spend about 5 minutes telling me that if I want him to stay a part of my life (through dreams) I need to plant a tree in his honor, talk to him, etc. if I want him to remain available to me. I talk to my dad daily. Sometimes multiple times per day.

Lastly, I asked if I should stick with my career or go back to school. She told me to go back to school, since my career will be affected by the financial issues the nation is facing. (Again, an easy generality.)

When I tried to get off the phone with her, she offered a couple of additional pieces of info, which I'm including here so we can see what happens...lol...she said that Texas will suffer a massive natural disaster in February, and recommended stockpiling food, since it will be difficult to obtain then. She also said that she and "2 or 3" others have been talking about a "political calamity", also forecasted for February 2012, but she couldn't get more specific.

Like I indicated above, I am a skeptic. Most of what she said was general enough that it could be true of almost anyone, and she completely bombed on the question about my daughter. She was very personable and nice, but I also felt like she was trying to extend the conversation (talking about her research, etc. into various things, including past-lives, which I never asked about, and how to keep your deceased loved ones in contact with you, and clairvoyance) and offering the predictions about next February after I told her I was finished with my reading and ready to get off the phone. If I'd been paying for the reading out of pocket, she'd have earned about an additional $20, just from drawing the conversation out.

Would I call again? Not on my dime.

But if there's a massive natural disaster here in February? I might have to think about that....

A book meme!

2009-10-29T01:15:00.003-05:00

Ree did the meme, and challenged her readers to do it, too, so here's mine! :)

Most memorable place/experience reading a book?
On the back porch at my husband's grandfather's house in NE TN ~ it was foggy, there were geese honking overhead, and I was freezing, but I loved every second of it.

Most unusual place/experience reading a book?
In my treehouse. It wasn't really a house, just a bunch (like five!) trees that grew together in such a way that there was a reading nook amongst the branches. I hung out there all summer one year, reading Nancy Drew books and Trixie Belden books.

Most dangerous place/experience reading a book?
On the front of a speedboat in the lake. I lost my Wayfarer sunglasses (!!) AND my book when the water-skiier we were pulling fell, and the captain of the boat made a radical right turn to go back to collect the skiier. He also had to come back and collect me. I couldn't swim, but fortunately was an expert treader of water. The book? Not so much. It was fish-food. :D

Most luxurious place/experience reading a book?
In the Mayflower Hotel, NYC. A ginormous claw-footed tub, a ton of bubble bath, and a very damp novel. :) It was heaven.

Funniest place/experience reading a book?
I read everywhere. On the toilet, while cooking dinner, while watching bad television, while walking...and walking and reading is NOT recommended for klutzy people like me. I walked myself right into a light post. Had a big ol' black eye from that experience.

I've been writing...

2009-08-31T09:44:00.002-05:00

...but I can't post any of it here. Too open. I know I don't have very many readers, but I am easy to locate IRL with this blog address. I think I may have to set up a private blog to deal with some of my life confusion.

I got my first diary when I was 7 years old. It was small, with a tiny brass lock and key. I didn't have a key to our house, so I didn't have a key fob. I made one from ribbon and buttons from my mom's sewing stash, put my diary key on it, and started to write. Since then, I've filled countless pages with thoughts and doodles, lists, goals, dreams and aspirations, the occasional pressed flower or leaf...just my small life writ even smaller, I suppose. I rarely look at my old journals ~ once something is written there, it generally stays there. (An aside: My mom read my diary [oh, the betrayal!] when I was a teenager, so for a couple of years the books are full of code words and symbols. Also many blatant lies to see if she was still reading. [She was.]) The thought of writing in those books for an audience? Not gonna happen. They are written to purge ~ to get the broad strokes of my feelings and thoughts out of my head so I can concentrate on looking at things logically.

Blogging is different. The expectation is that I am writing for an audience of one. I am writing for me, of course ~ after all, what else is blogging but navel-gazing? ~ but I am also writing for you. So not hitting "publish" is kicking my butt. Besides, I'm guessing that there are others who read me who are or have been at the crossroads I find myself facing.

All of this to ask, if you have an opinion ~ where should I put my private blog? It can't reside on blogger, obviously, since all my IRL and wider-web stuff links up here. I need the ability to password protect postings. Typepad? Moveable Type? Some other platform? Help a girl out, please?! :)

Linky Love

2009-08-27T02:01:00.005-05:00

I can't help it ~ I don't wanna write tonight. Too much swirling in my brain to pin anything down coherently. I've been noodling around my "Favorites" list instead of writing, so here are a few things that I love today:

mimi smartypants: "MARSUPIAL SMACKDOWN! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Joshilyn Jackson at Faster Than Kudzu is having a contest. Go enter if you want to read Stieg Larsson's current release The Girl Who Played With Fire. JJ is one of my super-favorite Southern authors, and Larsson's writing is superb. Highly recommended!

I love free internet radio. I've been jamming at Jango for a couple of weeks now. I started at Pandora but much prefer the search functionality at Jango. Go! Listen to music! Be inspired!

(Start here: http://www.jango.com/stations/105349068/tunein?proxy_id=41310193&song_id=177526 )

And have a fantastic Thursday.

This song is rockin' my Wednesday morning

2009-08-26T08:31:00.004-05:00

Toby Lightman has a fantastic voice and I love this song.

Strange how music grabs you in marketing ~ "Let Go" is featured in a new ad for Redken products, which popped up while I was listening to Dave Matthews Band and noodling around on Facebook this morning. The song grabbed me, and I stayed right there and watched/listened to a Redken ad on a video on how to choose your blonde color and then style your hair like Farrah Fawcett just so I could maybe find out who it was in the end credits. Lucky me, they credited Toby and gave a link to her web site. Check her out ~ I listened to a bunch of her songs on youtube and will definitely be picking up her album.

Disclaimer: Redken has never heard of me. My hair products come from the local big box discount retailer. I haven't colored my hair since 1988, I think. lol Toby Lightman? Has also never heard of me. I was just blown away by her voice and the sassy tone of this song.

Eh, why are you still here? Go listen to the music!

What feeds you?

2009-08-25T11:07:00.006-05:00

One of the blogs I read regularly is Red Stapler. Today, I read SueBob's post and she wrote:

It's always interesting to me, the things we need almost as much as food and water to keep us alive. Art. Drama. Literature. Music. Beauty. People will die for these things, literally. Something in us is fed by these crazy, abstract things we do. What feeds you?

What feeds me? What gives nourishment to my very soul?

Words. Music. Laughter. Beautiful art.

Words. Oh how I thrilled to learn to read them. I read banned books, blogs, the backs of boxes and bottles. In a pinch, I'll read the telephone book. I've read some 160 books so far this year, and I think my total will easily reach 200, despite my life butting into my reading time. lol I'll never understand people who "don't like to read", and since you're reading this I figure you probably don't either! lol I love to read things that challenge me ~ that make me think. I like to read scary pulp fiction, and thrillers, and true-crime novels, and short stories and poetry and quotes of famous people. I really love epitaphs. I write in my journal. I write notes to school and to friends and to strangers on the interwebs. Words ~ those of others and mine own ~ open my mind and my heart to the possibilities of the Universe.

Music. I was raised in the Church of Christ. We learn to sing harmony in preschool. LOL All CoC hymns are sung a capella. Verily, NO instruments other than the human voice are allow'd in the church. Regardless, I love listening to all kinds of music, and I love to dance. Gives you a general idea of how far from my roots I have grown, I suppose. ;) Watching a live performance of any piece of music thrills me to the bottom of my soul. Music can make me soar, cry, drive too fast on the highway, laugh out loud. It fills me up to the top and moves me in a way that nothing else can. Music can bend time and place and cross thousands of miles and hundreds and thousands of days.

Laughter ~ I try to exceed the recommended daily allowance for laughter. I love comics and puns and rhymes, pratfalls and comedic geniuses. I love talking to my family and friends and hearing their latest stories and jokes. I really love it when my daughter finds something I said or did hilarious, because guaranteed one or both of us will wind up with the hiccups from "too much" mirth. Laughter feeds my heart.

Art ~ I just love to look at beautiful things. Art can mean, quite literally, anything ~ from a gorgeous patina on an old lawn chair, to Nature's color palette in a Texas sunset, to a silky, cool river rock, to Fine Art in a museum somewhere. (I'm particularly fond of two of our local museums.) Since I've never been able to draw or paint or sculpt, and my powers over Nature are somewhat lacking, I make scrapbooks and collages, using scraps of paper, cloth, pressed flowers, ephemera...gluing it all together to please myself. Art fills my eyes and my hands with beauty and peace.

So, what feeds you? What moves you? What makes your heart sing and your soul soar? Do tell ~ and leave a link so I can read what you have to say.

First Day of School

2009-08-25T00:47:00.004-05:00

Maddy went back to school today. It was so awesome, watching her face light up as the bus arrived, her feet kicking with glee as she and her wheelchair rode the lift onto the (brand new!) bus. Man, I love this kid, and it thrills me to see her react so positively to school. This has always been one of my favorite times of the year...new clothes, new school supplies, a new classroom full of possibilities.

I spent the rest of my day letting my mind wander. Sometimes, I really need a quiet house so I can think. It was absolutely glorious and felt a little decadent to have the house to myself for a solid 8 hours. I'd actually forgotten what it was like to wander the house in my nightgown (no robe!) in the daylight hours. I love our nurses so much, but having someone in my house all summer is mentally exhausting to me. (My inner hermit disapproves.)

Speaking of exhaustion ~ I haz it. Since I didn't sleep much today, I need a few hours of in-the-dark sleep to catch up.

And tomorrow? I have a whole 'nother eight hours of solitude and peace.

I love school.

You turn around...

2009-08-11T02:31:00.002-05:00

...and the year is flying by, and it's been months since you even opened your blog control panel, much less typed anything on it, and....

Well, I have no excuses. Lots of reasons, mind you, but no excuses. lol

It's been a year. Not a particularly good one, but hey. We're all still breathing and that's a good thing. I'm still battling my migraine disease on a daily basis (no improvements there!) and we're still looking for a decent place to live.

Maddy has had a great summer ~ she attended extended school year (summer school) for the first time this year, and that's kept her out of the house M-Th, 8-12. It's over for now, and "real" school starts in just two weeks.

I have a lot to say, but I think for today, I should just count myself fortunate that I managed to log in and type a short note. My plan is to begin blogging daily from now on. If I can manage to devote 15 minutes to this per day, I should have a much better record of my life and my feelings about that life. Things are changing rapidly right now, and I have many things to examine and sort out.

Should be interesting ~ to those few of you who still check in occasionally, thank you.

Until tomorrow....

What a beautiful day it was...

2008-12-02T22:18:00.002-06:00

...and I spent it indoors, nursing a migraine. Bleah. It was about 70 degrees and sunny, but very windy, which is what caused my headache, I think. One really good piece of news, though ~ my laptop is home! Yippee!

I did manage to finish putting up all my interior decorations and T put the boxes back into the garage for me. So, there's one more thing off of my "to do" list. Like everything else, I did it 15 minutes at a time. :) Now it's time for Christmas cards, and present wrapping, and baking treats. I'll do those things 15 minutes at a time, as well.

Maddy was feeling a bit under the weather today. She was running a low grade temp (+1 degree or so) and it was just enough to make her cranky at school. When she got home, I spent some quality time rocking her and she calmed down pretty quickly. Poor little munchkin ~ that virus is really keeping her down. She was in bed by 7 PM and has been sleeping soundly since then. If she's still punky in the morning, she'll be staying home from school again.

Better run ~ I heard my laundry buzz and I need to get T's socks and undies folded for him. lol One more diaper change and then I can head to bed. :) Have a great day y'all!

It only takes 21 days to confirm a habit...

2008-12-01T22:26:00.002-06:00

...or so I've heard!

Apparently, it's true for blogging! I tucked my husband into bed, checked on Maddy, and got a drink and sat down at my computer. Do I check on my Facebook? Read email? Nope ~ I automatically open my Blogger dashboard. lol So, I suppose that means I am supposed to be writing something here ~ I just wish I knew what it was!

Today was a moderate migraine day. The kind of migraine that still hurts, still comes with flashing lights and mild nausea, but no puking and no severe pain. These are the days that I can live with the pain and keep going. I got the outdoor decorations up and put Maddy's new tree up in her room. (I got her a miniature silver tree and decorated it with purple ornaments. It already had lights on it.) She absolutely loves her tree ~ her eyes were wide with wonder when I put her to bed tonight. :) She didn't want me to turn it off, so I left it on until she fell asleep, then snuck in and turned the lights off.

We put up the main tree last night, but I spent about 2 hours trying to figure out why the pre-lit tree was not lighting up properly. Duh, I missed a plug. I swear, migraine disease makes you stupid. Either that or age....lol

So, I still have the ornaments to put on the main tree today. 15 minutes at a time, and I'll get it done. :) Then the hearth/mantle decorations and washing the Christmas dishes and I am done. :) One more day, probably ~ which is good, since the laptop should be home tomorrow. :) I have lots of blogs to catch up on that I don't have listed on my "Favorites" on the main computer ~ only on the laptop ~ so I will be reading blogs for a day or two, I'm sure, trying to catch up. lol

Time's almost up! I'll see you next time. :)

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 30 ~ I did it!

2008-11-30T22:56:00.002-06:00

Woohoo! It's the 30th of November, and I have accomplished my goal of posting every single day for thirty days. Good feeling, that ~ even though some of the posts were short, and virtually all were boring, at least I reached my goal. ;)

Today was a better day than yesterday. I woke up at a decent hour, with only the remnants of the migraine. Ate a good lunch, did some decorating outside, got down all my Christmas decorations from the attic, and I'm currently taking a break from working on the tree. Like everything else I do in this life, I am doing it all 15 minutes at a time. My "to do" list gets shorter virtually every day.

I don't know if I will continue to blog daily or not, but I think I may at least try to keep it up. I know that my writing will improve the more I practice, and I know that there are many days when I will have things I want to write about ~ I just don't know if I have something every day to write about. lol

Anyway, this is the final post I've committed to, so we'll see what happens tomorrow, eh?

Happy December!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 29

2008-11-29T23:43:00.000-06:00

No blogging today ~ headache is awful. Going back to bed.

Sorry.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 28

2008-11-28T22:13:00.001-06:00

Not much to say tonight ~ I have a rotten headache, due to the cold front that pushed through last night. Lots of rain, lots of cold wind, and a migraine from hell have kept me in the dark pretty much all day. Too bad ~ we were planning on going to the movies this afternoon (didn't happen) and then getting the Christmas decorations out of the attic (also didn't happen). Maybe tomorrow.

Going back to my dark room now.

Ugh.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 27

2008-11-27T20:59:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

We had a great day. Too much food, lots of laughter, naps by all the men, shopping at Garden Ridge for the ladies, and a win by our Dallas Cowboys. :) Who could wish for a better day, really?

Now it's off to watch a movie with my husband and wash a load or two of laundry. Tomorrow starts the official Christmas prep!

Hope your day was wonderful ~ ours was.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 26

2008-11-26T23:10:00.002-06:00

It was a heck of a busy day, and it isn't over yet.

I shouldn't be at the computer right now. I am in the middle of baking the cookies for tomorrow. Yes, I should have done it last night, but I elected to watch some programs on the DVR instead, thinking I would have time to do them during the day today. Boy, was I ever wrong! lol

I took T to work this morning. We got a late start since Maddy's nurse was late to arrive. She is having car problems, apparently, but regardless, we were travelling at the height of morning rush hour. Wrecks everywhere! It was an awful drive there and back, and when I got home I had to rush to do my hair and makeup for the doctor's appointment.

That was interesting, to say the least. Maddy fought this new doc tooth and nail ~ literally. She refused to open her mouth for the throat exam, kicked the doctor in the gut when he tried to listen to her chest, and scratched both me and the nurse when he tried to look in her ears. She was extremely uncooperative. For her regular doc, she just complains a bit. She's been seeing him since she was an infant. For this new doc (her regular ped is out on vacation) she showed all her mettle, simply refusing to do anything he asked of her. Before he started the exam, she confirmed (with head nods) that her ears hurt, her nose was bothering her, and she was itchy all over from the rash on her trunk (which spread to her legs overnight). Since he wasn't sure if it was an ear infection or not, he told her that he'd have to draw blood if she wouldn't let him look in her ears. She ignored him. So, a blood draw it was. That went very well, actually ~ the vampire was quick and Maddy only hissed a little bit when the needle went in. The CBC was perfectly normal, so no infections anywhere ~ it's just a virus. Treat the symptoms and if she seems worse, call them again over the weekend. He did give me a cream for her rash ~ $60 later (for a tiny tube of cream ~ after insurance!) and her itchy rash is already improving. I'm relieved it isn't an infection ~ I hate putting her on oral abx ~ she's had allergic reactions to two different meds in the past, so finding the right abx is tough enough. I definitely would rather save those for when we know it's an infection. :)

By the time I got home from the pharmacy, it was already 2 PM. I was to pick T up at around 4, so I really didn't even have time for a nap. I made some coffee and pressed onward. I'm like the Energizer Bunny! I just keep going and going....

My cookies should be cool enough to ice now, so I'd better go finish them up. We'll be at my mom and dad's house all day tomorrow, so Happy Thanksgiving! I'll write a quick note when I get home tomorrow evening and then I have serious plans for my bed. lol I am wiped out from this week, and it's only Wednesday!

Night all!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 25

2008-11-25T22:06:00.002-06:00

Today is my 19th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe ~ at times, it feels like just yesterday, while at other times it seems like forever.

We were married at the tender age of 21. When I look at the pictures of the day, I see two children and wonder what on earth were they thinking? lol Of course, we've survived some pretty tough times over the years, but I still believe that we were meant to be together. Meant to laugh with and love each other for life. Meant to parent Maddy, with all the joy and fear that entails. Meant to be there for each other every day, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, all of the days of our lives. So far, so good....

It was a relatively quiet day here. Maddy is still sick. She has lots of pretty (not!) green snot in her nose and her eyes, and now she's tugging at both of her ears. Our appointment is in the morning at 9:10 AM, which means that I get the dubious honor of staying up all night to care for her, then driving T to work so I can have the car, then going to the appointment, going to the drugstore for antibiotics (I'm sure she needs them ~ see green snot, above), and then finally coming home to sleep for awhile. I'll have to load her into the car to pick T up from work tomorrow night, too. Oh, joy. Being a one-car family really sucks rocks sometimes, and this is one of those times. Not to mention the absolute joy of a visit to the pediatrician at the height of flu season. Yay. I dread tomorrow. At some point, either overnight tonight or tomorrow, I have to bake some cookies and prep my other contributions to the Thanksgiving feast for my mom and dad's house on Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to that, though. I love to bake. :)

Since I have all night to stay up tonight, I'm planning on working through some of the shows I have on the DVR. Need to get it cleared out! lol

It's time for the evening diaper. Have a great night, and a better day than I will tomorrow. ;)

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 24

2008-11-24T23:25:00.001-06:00

It was a quiet day today. Maddy did, indeed, stay home from school ~ she was still feverish at 4:30 AM when I last checked on her last night/this morning ~ but she was in a fine mood, and her fever was completely gone by 6:30 AM and has not returned. She's going back to school tomorrow. Yay!

I had not one, but TWO naps this afternoon ~ before and after lunch. :) My head is still pounding, but hey ~ at least I was able to sleep through part of it.

Tomorrow is Tuesday ~ the 25th ~ and our 19th wedding anniversary. Seems hard to believe that it's been 19 years. Will have to write more about that tomorrow. I got my husband something he really wanted this year and I have to wrap it and make dinner for him tomorrow night. Hope he gets home at a decent hour! Tonight he didn't make it in until after 8 PM. No complaining here, though, since he'll be off for the whole holiday weekend from Thursday through Sunday. Woohoo!

Better run ~ I need to check my email and do a quick check through the house before I change Maddy and call it a night. Happy Monday, y'all!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 23

2008-11-23T19:44:00.002-06:00

I'm still basking in the glow of yesterday's birthday celebration. I managed to get the house completely back in order today, as well as doing my usual ton of laundry. And our Cowboys won their game. Take that, migraine! It was a good day despite Spike's best efforts to keep me down. :)

Maddy is sick, though. Yesterday, during the party, I noticed that she was flushed and warm, so I took her temp. She had a couple of degrees of fever, so I dosed her with ibuprofen and watched her. She was really cranky after the guests left and went to bed early. She slept in this morning until 11:30! (After two additional doses of fever reducers.) She never sleeps late, so I knew she wasn't feeling well. She's quiet, alternating with crabby, and while she has been playing with a few of her new toys, she just really isn't herself. She'll be staying home from school tomorrow since she can't rejoin her SpEd class until she's been fever-free for 24 hours. (I think we're the only people who follow that rule, thus the recurrent illnesses she contracts at school!) It's a short week anyway, due to the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, so I'm not too concerned about it. Hate it that she'll miss seeing her Music Therapist, though ~ she loves that part of Monday.

Buddy dog threw up this morning, too ~ I think someone must have snuck him some table food yesterday. He has a really sensitive stomach, and any little thing will make him throw up. Such fun ~ and on the carpet, too. lol That's my boy....

T and I are tired. Getting everything ready, putting on the party, and then cleaning up afterwards was a production, but our house looks so good right now. I've actually contemplated taking photos! It's ready for us to mess it all up again next weekend ~ we'll get out the Christmas decorations on Friday and get the tree up and the lights up outside next weekend. :) With virtually all the shopping done, I'm actually looking forward to the Christmas season this year.

Better run ~ I hear another load of laundry buzzing for me. Have a great night and a fabulous Monday morning!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 22

2008-11-22T18:36:00.002-06:00

What a party!

The lasagna was delicious, the company was fab, and aside from Maddy suddenly breaking out in a red rash and running a couple of degrees of fever, we all had a grand time.

Of course, that's a big "aside from" ~ she's had some Motrin and some Benadryl and is sleeping quietly. She was verrrry interested in her birthday presents until she just got worn out and needed to sleep for a little while. It's a lot of pressure to perform for her ~ at Christmas, we space the gifts out over the course of the day so as not to overwhelm her, but everyone really wanted to leave before it got dark, so the birthday presents had to be opened.

For now, I am exhausted and my head hurts ~ but I got through it with a smile. 15 minutes at a time, baby!

Time for some much deserved rest for all three of us, and maybe a cuppycake for a special treat before bed. :)

Goodnight!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 21

2008-11-21T23:22:00.000-06:00

What a crazy day!

I have a headache, first of all ~ it's been kept back somewhat with the application of medication, but it's still there. Too bad for me ~ I had too much to do to hide in my room!

I did get the cupcakes ready for tomorrow ~ they look fabulous. Plus, I got all the dishes ready and set my table. Went to the store for last minute ingredients for my homemade lasagna, salad and fresh bread. The table looks beautiful.

T vacuumed the whole house for me while I was at the store, so I didn't have to listen to the whine of it with the headache. All I have to do tomorrow is make the food and serve it. :)

Maddy's nurse is coming in the morning to give her a bath and get her ready for the party. T needs a haircut, so he'll run and do that while I'm pre-cooking the noodles, chopping everything, making sauce, etc. The guests arrive at 1 PM and then we party on. :) I am so proud of the way the house looks ~ everything is so welcoming and I think my parents will enjoy seeing it. My sis, too, of course. I just wish that my SIlove and nephews were going to be here. Maybe next year....

Better run ~ another load of laundry just buzzed and I need to go fold while it's warm. Have a great Saturday morning and check here tomorrow night (late!) for the party recap. :)

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 20

2008-11-20T22:32:00.003-06:00

Only 10 more days to go and I will have officially completed my obligation to post for the entire month of November. Wow.

I did manage to get the cupcakes baked and frosted (homemade buttercream, of course! colored lavender, since that is Maddy's favorite) and sprinkled with pretty purple sugar. The dishes and silver? Not so much. I am ready to do those tomorrow. The cupcake endeavor simply took too much out of me. It was three stressful hours in the kitchen, for a small return of two dozen cupcakes. I just wish she would taste one ~ just once! ~ to make it all worthwhile. Oh well, I know her schoolmates will enjoy them tomorrow, and I know that we will enjoy them on Saturday. (I didn't frost Saturday's yet ~ they are in the freezer, keeping fresh, until tomorrow night.)

Everything else is on track for completion as well. It's a good thing, too, since another cold front blew in this morning and I am battling yet another migraine attack. This one came on without an aura (unusual) and without nausea (also unusual, and thank goodness for that!) so it's just the pounding, spike-like pain behind my left eye. I can handle the pain much better than the nausea, so that's okay, I suppose. No vacuuming or heavy lifting for me tonight, but I do have a few other things to do, so no problems there. ;)

My Christmas shopping is almost complete. I only have a couple more gifts to pick up, plus Maddy's teachers and nurses, and then I'm done. I did the bulk of my shopping online this year, and those gifts have been arriving all week. It's so nice to know that next weekend, after the Thanksgiving feast, when most people are just starting to shop, I will be virtually done. Sometimes, having headaches pays ~ it definitely makes you plan ahead!

Time to get this posted and hop to my list. Have a great Friday, y'all, and I'll see you back here tomorrow sometime. :)

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 19

2008-11-19T23:50:00.004-06:00

Shew ~ just under the wire tonight. I woke up feeling so well today that I've been baby stepping my way through the house. :) I also ran over to Michael's to pick up a cake round for Maddy's birthday cake. I even felt well enough to walk over there. Yippee!

Tomorrow is Thursday, and my plan is to make the cupcakes for the school party for Friday and wash the china and silver. Aside from those "chores" (not really ~ I enjoy doing both of those things!) I have nothing on my plate for the day. :) Maybe I'll actually do something for me. We'll see how I feel.

Better run ~ I want to go watch Sunday's "Dexter" before I hit the hay. Have a great night!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 18

2008-11-18T22:48:00.002-06:00

Prepare yourselves ~ it's gonna be a dull update. ;)

Seriously, I've got nothing. My SIL called this evening and cancelled for Saturday, so we're back down to 6 for lunch. I'm sorry that they won't be here ~ I was really looking forward to seeing her and the boys. At the same time, I'm a little relieved ~ it takes the pressure off me to only have to cook for a few rather than a crew. ;)

The house looks even better today than it did yesterday, and I'm still trucking along. 15 minutes at a time, baby ~ and it's working. I'm actually starting to feel like we really live here now...and we've only been here for two years. The main part of the house has been fine, but my office? Has always been a distaster. With it completed, I just feel so much more relaxed. Why didn't I do this sooner?!? (To be fair, when we first moved in, I had it almost set up and then Momma got sick and was coming here for hospice care, so I had to completely dismantle the room and set it up for her sick room. Still, that was almost 2 years (!!) ago now and I should have finished up in here forever ago.)

I can't wait until the party is over and I can start scrapbooking in my room. :) I will have it pristine until Sunday, then all bets are off! lol

My headache broke this morning around 5:30 ~ which was good. I worked my way through most of it. Couldn't sleep anyway, so why bother trying? I went to bed when Maddy's nurse arrived at 6:30 or so. Slept for about 6 hours and have been working like crazy since then. It was an absolutely gorgeous day today ~ wonderful to be in the garage, getting things done. Only a few more hours of work and I will be ready. :)

Better run ~ my 15 minutes are short and I want to check in on my FB friends. :) Have a great night!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 17

2008-11-17T22:36:00.004-06:00

Monday, Monday.

I had a great day, right up until about 8:30, when another cool front came in and thrust me deep into migraine hell. Unfortunately for me, I am out of my meds for the month, so I have to wait to take rescue meds ~ and I can't take those until after Maddy's last diaper change. Until then, I will try to stay on top of the pain with breathing exercises, meditation, and dark, quiet rooms. The nausea is the worst part of that for me ~ I can usually maintain against the pain, but the feeling like I need to puke is harder to fight against. I know that tossing my cookies won't help ~ it will actually make the pain worse ~ so I try really hard to keep it at bay.

*bleah*

I did get quite a lot accomplished today, before the headache hit. I even cooked dinner and had coffee ready when T came home from work. My bird feeders are up and stocked, the office is finished (!!) and I did some rearranging in the garage so I can actually find the things I use often. Our house is severely lacking in inside storage, so I'm very thankful for the garage, but it can get overwhelming in there in a hurry. 15 minutes at a time, though, and I am taking care of the mess. :)

My task for the next 15 minute session is locating and washing the tablecloths for the tables for Saturday. I will use the white lace cloth for the main table, and the cream lace cloth for the smaller table. I have cloth napkins that my mother made me that have "Happy Birthday" messages all over them, and I'll use those, along with the vintage silver that my sister found at an estate sale. I'm serving on my grandmother's china, since I have a complete service for 12. I haven't decided on the centerpiece yet ~ either fresh flowers or something fall. :) I'll set the table on Friday night so that will be one less thing to worry about on Saturday morning.

I made arrangements with Maddy's primary nurse to come in on Saturday morning and bathe and dress her for her party. That will allow me to concentrate on last minute preparations and getting myself ready. :) She's looking forward to seeing Maddy on her birthday, which makes the arrangement extra sweet. I love our nurses ~ they do so much for Maddy during the daylight hours, and that allows me to take care of the nights.

Better go ~ my 15 minutes are about up and I need to check my email and then get back to work. I just need to keep reminding myself (re: the headache) that I can bear or do anything for 15 minutes at a time. Anything.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 16

2008-11-16T22:37:00.002-06:00

What a Sunday!

Maddy stayed up, literally, all night long last night. She was still awake when T got up at 7:05 this morning. Of course, this means I was awake all night long with her. That makes for one tired Mama, let me tell you.

Score one for me ~ the headache left at around 4:30 AM yesterday morning. I was able to do several 15 minute sessions in and around the house during the early morning hours, and then some more this afternoon. We had a lovely Sunday brunch at around 11:30, I napped from 4-5:30, and have almost completed the laundry for the day. Plus, the Cowboys pulled a win out of the hat, which made for lots of cheering and high fives around the house. ;) Maddy missed the game ~ she fell asleep at around 6:30 and has barely moved an inch since then. lol I suppose she'll sleep all night tonight and wake ready to go to school tomorrow. One can hope, right?

I simply cannot believe how good the house is looking. It's really all coming together! Yay!!! The timer is really helping me stay on track, as is the lack of the laptop computer. lol I can't get distracted by it when it isn't in the house. ;)

Better run ~ the dryer just buzzed and I need to go fold another load and put it away. Have a great night!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 15 ~ HALFWAY THERE!

2008-11-15T22:33:00.000-06:00

Woot!

So much for my big plans for today. I spent the majority of the day in a dark room again. We had a cold front come through yesterday and when I got up with Maddy this morning, my head was full of shooting stars and Spike the Migraine Squirrel was back with a vengeance.

I did manage to eat once ~ without puking! ~ and care for Maddy until T got home from work, but that was the extent of my accomplishments for the day. As soon as midnight hits, I'm headed back to bed.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 14

2008-11-14T23:18:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update today, as I am sick again. We had a cold front gust in this afternoon and it brought a migraine with it, of course. Still, I've managed to almost complete the office and I'm very proud of myself for that. Wish I could have gotten it all done, but I'll take "almost", given the circumstances.

We're now one week out from Maddy's 12th birthday party and I have so much to do this week. I got my timer out and I will accomplish it all ~ in 15 minute increments. Fortunately, the house is neat and mostly picked up. I have one "hot spot" burning on the corner of the dining room table, but as soon as I get the office finished, I can put those things away. (Crossing my fingers for tomorrow!) and then it's just routine cleaning in preparation for the party. I do need to add vacuuming the baseboards to my list of things to do! I noticed this morning that they are looking a little dusty. I think I can finish vacuuming the whole house in about 2 hours. That's only 8 sessions with my timer. ;) Surely I can accomplish that in one day? I won't mop the floors until Friday night, so they'll be fresh and clean. I clean our bathroom on Sundays, and Maddy's bathroom daily, so those will be ready to go. I have about an hour or so of work in our bedroom (shelving books, freshening the curtains, etc.) and probably an hour of dusting to do, as well. Those I will save until Thursday. On Wednesday, I will bake and freeze the cake so it will be ready for decorations on Friday. The kitchen has about half an hour of deep cleaning (top of the fridge, tops of the cabinets to dust and cabinet fronts to polish) and it's ready to go. Thank goodness for FlyLady or I wouldn't be so prepared!

Time to run ~ I need to set the timer again and get to work. Only two more hours until last diaper of the night and then bedtime for me. :) Have a great Saturday morning, all, and I'll be back tomorrow! :) Maybe even with pics of the finished office! lol

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 13

2008-11-13T23:19:00.003-06:00

Today was really dull, so leave now if you haven't had your coffee, or stick around if you're ready to fall asleep. ;)

We're renters. We've lived in this house for 2 years now, and we've had many, many problems with water. The toilets ran (running up a $600+ water bill in the two weeks it took the landlord to get over here to fix them!), the cold water supply line in the laundry room broke (not the hose ~ the actual line in the wall!) and flooded the hallway, Maddy's room, her bathroom, and part of the dining room and kitchen, and the sink faucet has been a thorn in my side since day one. The landlord has been out to work on it at least 4 times that I can think of off the top of my head. This morning, though ~ it just wouldn't shut off. At all. And the cut off valve under the sink? Didn't work. Emergency call to the landlord, who came out around noon and wound up replacing the whole faucet. Yay! Shiny new faucet! Boo! No sprayer attachment! lol Hey, at least it only took a few hours to get him out here this time ~ I wonder how much water was wasted between 6:30 and 12:30? Ugh. Dread that water bill! (I did save some for plants and filled up a couple of gallon jugs I had in the garage, but I just couldn't save all of it....)

I had a doc appointment scheduled for 5:00. No biggie ~ just a med check and refills on my BP meds and my anti-anxiety meds. I made the appointment on Friday, and yesterday was my last dosage of each of my meds. My cell phone was in my purse, turned off, of course, since I've been home all week with the migraine from hell. As I was prepping to walk out the door, I pulled the phone out and turned it on, where I found four messages from the doctor's offce, cancelling and rescheduling my appointment ~ for 3:00. Unfortunately, it was now 4:30. Why didn't they call the house? I was here, and I would have answered. Instead, they left increasingly urgent messages on my cell phone. Dumb. So I had to call them and plead for an emergency appointment for this evening ~ which I got! ~ and show up there for 6:00 PM. They're nice enough, but some of the office staff are a bit flighty. ;) I'm just glad I got in and got my new prescriptions. They are filled and waiting for bedtime. :) Yay!

One bonus of the delayed appointment was that I had time to drop off my laptop at the mailing center on my way. Yay! There has been a mailing center right around the corner from my subdivision for the last several years and it's right on my way out. I had been planning on walking over there tomorrow, but since I was already going to be out.... Anyway, I pulled into the lot and NO mailing center. They're gone! Closed! Kaput! Glad I didn't haul the 10+ lb. box up there using my feet. lol There's a UPS store on the other side of town, but it's right by my doc's office, so I stopped in over there instead. Made it to the appointment with 15 minutes to spare, too. :) I live in a 'burb, and walking to things is hard to accomplish unless they're close (no sidewalks, and walking along the side of our formerly country roads can be dangerous) so I like to try to combine things as much as possible.

On the way back, I dropped the prescriptions off at the pharmacy (45 minute wait) and ran to the Tar*get for some essentials (coffee, bread, fruit). Walked out of there $90 lighter. Oops. But, I did get the wrapping paper for Christmas gifts, a present for my sister (on sale!), two tees and a pair of shoes for Maddy (all on sale!), the napkins for her birthday party (at our house on the 22nd!) and some other pantry items (on sale!) Not a totally wasted trip. :) Most of my Christmas shopping is now done. I have items to order from two more places and then I am finished, I think. :) I'm actually itching to put the tree up this year, which never happens ~ I usually wait until Thanksgiving weekend. If I feel up to it, I may go ahead and decorate this weekend. I'd love for my family to see my tree ~ I don't think they've even been to our house during the season in the last 5 years ~ maybe more. It would be nice to have the decorations up for an extra week, too, since Thanksgiving is so late this year.

There I go again, planning out my weekend when I'm not even sure I'll be able to be mobile. lol I've been enforcing my "15 minutes at a time" rule in the office and it is coming along well, despite the headache. I even managed to clean things up on the days when my head was really bad. After all, if I can survive a migraine with no meds, I can clean for 15 minutes during it, right? (Okay, to be honest, it wasn't reallly cleaning ~ just sorting through papers and throwing most of them away. T filed the rest for me!) Still, I think that's a pretty big accomplishment.

If I feel as well tomorrow as I did today, I should have the office pretty much completed. :) Then I can decide whether or not to put up the tree before the party. :)

Wish me luck, and happy Thursday!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 12

2008-11-12T22:27:00.001-06:00

momma's wreath 2
Originally uploaded by kimmie68

I admit it ~ I'm copping out tonight. My head is splitting again and I just can't stand to sit here very long, but I wanted to get something up!

This is a picture of the Autumn wreath that my Momma-in-Love (my MIL) made for me a few years ago. She died of pancreatic cancer in 2007 and I miss her every single day. She was like a mother to me ~ loving me unconditionally and always showing how much she cared for me and our family. I was blessed by knowing her. She used to come down from Tennessee to Texas every year for Maddy's birthday and Thanksgiving, so we'd have her for at least one week per year. That year, she brought all her wreath making supplies and when I came home from work, this was hanging on our front door.

I took it the picture night, so the colors are a little off ~ it's really made up of burgandies, rusts, yellows and oranges ~ very pretty ~ with Indian corn and cattails, plus a stuffed quail. I love the shape of the wreath ~ it's oval and quite heavy. I hope to have it to hang every Autumn for the rest of my life.

I miss you, Momma Love ~ so much ~ and so does your son and your granddaughter. *kisses*

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 11

2008-11-11T22:09:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I wish I could just step away from all the technology in my life. Seriously.

Take today, for instance. My new-ish (6 months!) laptop is on the fritz. It needs a repair that requires I mail it into a service center. No problem, except I didn't keep the box. (Well, actually I did keep the box until about a month ago, when I decided to recycle all the empty boxes in the garage to make room for the new freezer! Oops....) So, they have to send me a new box and packing materials. I spoke with tech support on Wednesday of last week. The box should have been here on Monday. It did not arrive. So I expected it today. Still no box. I called them. They are closed. It is Veteran's Day. Of course! So, I will wait until tomorrow.

In the meantime, I figure I'll configure the old laptop for wireless internet. No biggie, right? Done it a meeeeeelion times. Literally. Try to start the laptop and it won't boot. Wind up having to do a system restore, after several hours of circular errors. No problem ~ got it restored and clean and ready to go. Wait! No drivers for the video card or for the wireless card! Yay! Download those to he desktop and get them installed on the laptop. Now we're cooking with fire! Except ~ it's slow. As Christmas in July. Reallllly slllllloooooooowwwwwwwww. I call tech support. (Why do I do this?) and am told that everything looks fine on their end. They ping the machine and get replies on all test packets. Surprisingly enough, when I ping it here, I have a 50% - 100% packet loss. Of course. Fail!

It's just after 10 PM, and virtually my entire day has been spent jacking around with two laptops. I still have limited connectivity on the old laptop and no screen on the new one. So I'm at the desktop, which is running Vista, which I absolutely LOATHE. Next computer I buy? Is gonna be a Mac. Take that, Windows. You suck. Also Compaq and IBM and Lenovo. You all suck. So there. Nyah!

Gonna hit publish, change a diaper, and go watch some DVR'd Dexter. Good night!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 10

2008-11-10T23:03:00.000-06:00

Still sick over here ~ sorry that my posts have been so late in the day! I try to get over here earlier, but just cannot seem to do it with Spike the Migraine Squirrel in my brain.

Other than the headache (I keep trying to type "deadache" ~ lol!) I had a pretty decent day today. It finally rained this evening after days of unsettled weather. As soon as the rain started, my headache dropped from an 8 to a 5. It's down to about a 4 now. I can live with it again. Plus, the earth needed the rain in the worst way. It's been very dry this fall. We're supposed to have our first real cold front of the year this weekend ~ some are even calling for temps in the lower 30's on Saturday night/Sunday morning ~ I'll believe that when I see it. ;)

Blah, blah, blah ~ it's really hard to come up with anything to write about when you've been laid up with Spike for a few days running. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow for me to write about. :)

Until then ~ goodnight!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 9

2008-11-09T20:34:00.002-06:00

Of course, since I had plans today, I woke up with a migraine on the 8-9 scale of pain. My whole entire day has been spent in a ball of pain in my dark room.

No way can I stare at this screen any longer, so I'll close out for now. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 8

2008-11-08T21:30:00.000-06:00

Today was Saturday, and I had a headache for most of it. Manageable, but still there ~ about a 4-5 for most of the day. T had the day off from work, so I was able to take my rescue meds and rest for a couple of hours. It helped.

Tomorrow? Laundry, of course. That's what I do every Sunday. Plus, I need to get the bird feeders out and set up for the winter months. It's been pretty chilly here the last few nights, and while they are used to having water, they aren't used to having food. I'm sure my feathered friends will appreciate the extra seeds during the chill of November through ~ well, about March, most likely. lol At least until the bugs are back! Whenever the hummingbirds start coming back, I'll start tapering off on the seeds for the regular birds and concentrate on the sugar water for the hummingbirds.

Tomorrow is supposed to be beautiful and sunny ~ around 75 degrees! so it will be a good day to hang out in the yard. I need to do a little trimming and weeding out there, too. Not too much, but a bit. I also need to put up my flag. I haven't flown my American flag for the last several years because I was so disappointed in the way it had been co-opted by the WingNuts. I'm feeling more hopeful, so I will put my flag back out. :)

Better run ~ T has warmed up a movie in the player and so we're going to kick back and catch a flick. Have a great Saturday, blogland!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 7

2008-11-07T23:14:00.000-06:00

Today was a really bad day for me, painwise, so I'm going to keep this short, I think. Just get my post for the day in get back to my room and the dark. I can't take an anti-nausea pill until after Maddy's last diaper, so I'll just rest quietly until then.

I hate what migraine pain does to me. It takes me out of my life and pushes me into a dark room. If I come out of that room, I must wear my darkest sunglasses (inside the house!) to even be able to deal with the sunlight coming in through the (closed) blinds on the windows. Loud noises make me retch. I have a constant sick feeling in my stomach. Strong smells make me throw up. Lights, sounds, smells ~ even touch ~ can make me dry heave and/or puke. Today was a gorgeous day outside, but it was a miserable one inside my head. Spike the Migraine Squirrel was playing games with me all day and into the night. As soon as 2 AM comes, I can do Maddy's last diaper change of the night and then crawl into the blessed dark of my bedroom and (hopefully!) sleep this pain away.

Only 3 more hours to go. I can survive this, minute by minute, because I must. Tomorrow is Saturday and we have big plans around the house, so I just have to be better when I awake.

Wish me luck with it.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 6

2008-11-06T22:16:00.002-06:00

We had a cool front come through last night, and the temperature dropped from the mid 70's down to the lower 50's in about an hour. Wow. The high today was only 71 degrees. I love Fall. The air was so crisp and beautiful. I just wish that fronts didn't mean head pain for me. Alas, every single front means an increase in pain for at least 2-3 days. I even had to take rescue meds today, which I try to avoid. It's back down to a quite manageable 4-5 now, after being a puking 8-9 this morning, so that's all good. Provided we don't get another front in the next 3-4 days, it will be back to a normal 2-3 shortly. I've said many times over the last several years that I can live with a 2-3 headache forever. I'd rather not, but I can do it.

Maddy was absolutely fantastic today. She had so much fun at school and came off the bus laughing like a crazy girl. She loves it when it cools down, too ~ she's like her mommy that way. We prefer the cool Fall weather (and the coldish winter weather) to the Spring and Summer in Texas. I can layer and get warm ~ there's no way to get naked enough to cool off! lol

One of my online friends lost her husband last night. He had no prior health problems, but just died suddenly, at home, in their room. He was only 41 years old and has two young children. I cried and cried when I read about it on the message board I frequent. It really hit home for me (again) how fragile our lives are on this earth ~ and that when your time is up, it's up. I gave my husband an extra-big hug and kiss when he came home from work this evening. I'm praying for her family tonight, for sure.

Better close up this boring entry. I need to go rest for a bit while I wait to do the last diaper change of the night.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 5

2008-11-05T22:28:00.003-06:00

I can't help it. I'm still walking on air from yesterday's election results. I refuse to apologize, and I am definitely not gloating, but it sure did feel good to back a winner for once!

I'm a member of the Gallup Panel, and have been for several years. They always step up the phone calls in the weeks preceding an election, and then call once or twice after the election to see how I voted and why. I loved being able to take that call this evening and answer "excited" when they asked me how I felt about President-Elect Obama's win. I know he won't be able to change things immediately ~ but I have hope that he will be able to make things happen, that WE will be able to make things happen. Really, the President has so little control over what actually gets done in America ~ it is up to We the People to actually get out there and do the hard work.

I know ~ some of you are thinking, "But what about Congress?" Meh. I tend to believe that no one should be allowed to become a professional politician. (It's one of the reasons why I didn't support Hillary for president ~ she's been in the game too long!) They are too indebted to the special interest groups and big businesses that get them elected term after term. I think there should be term limits ~ 2 each, period, no matter what. Get a constant turnover in Washington. Inject fresh blood into the system. Don't have people who literally make a career out of governing for us ~ and don't give them time to be blinded by the bright lights of Washington.

But that's a battle for another day, right? Term limits aren't popular because people have been historically afraid of change. We'd rather elect and then re-elect the same slate of (mostly) old men, year after year, and then let them waffle their way out of taking responsibility for what they don't accomplish on our behalf. Keep the status quo. Don't take risks. That is NOT the American way. The American way is to go out there and be the change you want to see in the world ~ take the risks, go the distance, challenge the government.

Despite a screaming migraine, today I woke up with hope for our future. Hope that we can end the wars being fought on two fronts and bring our soldiers home. Hope that we can find a way to end the health care crisis in our country. Hope that we can strengthen our industries and wisely use our resources. Hope that we can find a new, better way to run those industries, without relying on foreign oil, or coal, or nukes. Hope that we can make it through the next few years without alienating the rest of the world, and hope that we can rebuild some of the bridges that President Bush burned for us.

Hope. It's a powerful emotion.

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 4

2008-11-04T21:19:00.002-06:00

Barring any miracles for the McCain hopefuls, looks like Barack Obama is WINNING the presidency! Woohoo!!!

I voted today with such hope. I've never felt that way before. Save President Clinton's years, every single presidential election I've voted in, I've voted for the lesser of two (or three) evils. This year, I was able to cast my vote with confidence in the future ~ with hope ~ and with great humility. Voting for a man that the first 16 (!!) presidents of the United States could have, theoretically, owned as a piece of property ~ wow. Sure, he's a junior senator from IL. The last junior senator from IL that won the presidency was Abraham Lincoln. Who needs experience? What kind of experience, exactly, does it require to be president, anyway? I can't think of a single job that could adequately prepare someone to be the leader of this country. I'm more interested in Barack Obama's take on health care, his plans for the economy, and getting us out of Iraq and Afghanistan quickly and safely. I'm thrilled that we are choosing a different path than the one we've been on for the last 8 years. I know that things will not change overnight, but I also have great expectations for this new leader. I believe that he will be a uniting force ~ not just in our country, but in our world.

I have such a warm feeling tonight. What a joyous day! Thank you, to everyone who voted ~ regardless of which candidate you chose today, you exercised a right that people ~ patriots ~ have died for, and for that we should all be thankful. Good for you, and for me, and for all of us.

God Bless America!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 3

2008-11-03T16:43:00.003-06:00

Day 3 and already I am struggling with what to write! I was expecting this, of course, but not until at least a week had passed. Let's see what I can come up with off the top of my head!

Tomorrow is Election Day in the US. Personally, I am supporting Barack Obama for President this year, but regardless of which candidate you prefer, please take the time to go to the polls and cast your vote.

November is an incredibly busy month for my family, but not until towards the end of it. We have Maddy's birthday (she turns 12 this year!), anniversaries for both T and me AND my parents, plus Thanksgiving ~ and those are just the celebratory items! Usually, we celebrate Maddy's birthday in conjunction with Thanksgiving, but her birthday actually occurs on the Saturday before T'giving this year, so we are hosting an actual family celebration at home for her. Should be fun, but stressful.

I have a ton of work to get ready for a party ~ I have to dig out the office (again!) and go over the whole house with a white glove. My parents haven't darkened my door in coming up on two years, so my mom will look at everything, including closets and under the beds. lol Should be fun! I'm tackling the projects 15 minutes at a time (a la FlyLady and trying not to stress too terribly much about it all. The house stays pretty neat, with the notable exception of my office and the garage, which are total nightmares on any given day. The office is simply a catch-all for projects, gifts (yes, I have several stacks of Christmas gifts ready to be wrapped!), books, and school-related paper. Plus the main home computer, my scrapping stuff, my sewing stuff...you get the idea, I'm sure. I also have several piles of Maddy's outgrown clothing in there right now, and I need to figure out what to do with all that.

My other big project for this fall is taking photos of old slides that my grandparents took when I was a baby. I'm planning on transferring those to DVD for my parents for Christmas, provided I get them all converted. I found instructions on this site and got my light box last week. Now to the fun part ~ taking over 1000 photos and editing them, then copying them to DVD!

I hear the Wee One calling me ~ better shut this down and leave something to talk about for tomorrow! Have a great day!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 2

2008-11-02T00:55:00.002-05:00

It's a good thing my dog is small.

He's really tiny ~ only eight pounds ~ and yet, he rules the house.

Seriously. No one may enter our home without a thorough vetting by Buddy, the Homeland Security Dachshund. He sniffs every inch of every newcomer, sussing out cats, other dogs, and who knows what else, then running crazily around the room, barking maniacally to report to me.

Originally, we thought his name would be Fritz. Our previous dachsie was named Gretchen and we thought we'd keep with the theme. The name Fritz does not roll off the tongue, especially when you spend the first 3.5 months correcting the dog every waking moment. It only took a few days until he was only responding to my nickname for all male dogs ~ buddy or bubba ~ so we decided to change his name. He'll be three years old in February.

On Halloween this year, I dressed him in a costume from the dollar bins at Tarjay. We (okay, okay *I*) love those bins. In them you may find scrapbooking items, socks, the perfect notepad for the fridge, and the occasional mini-dachshund sized pumpkin costume. Buddy? Hated it. Completely and unapologetically. I still managed to get a couple of photos, though ~ with T's help and a couple of treats in hand, of course! Isn't he just the cutest little four legged pumpkin you ever did see?

He was terribly mortified. See the Ear of Mortification?

Well, what good are dogs if you can't dress 'em up funny on occasion? ;)

NaBloPoMo ~ Entry 1!

2008-11-01T02:52:00.002-05:00

Dead Bride
Originally uploaded by kimmie68

I figured this one should be easy, right? Just post a photo of me from last night's Halloween celebration and I'm good to go! I'm committed to posting every single day for the month of November, and at the end of that, I figure I will probably need to be committed!

Anyway, this photo is me, as a dead bride. I scared many small children with my makeup, but Maddy absolutely laughed her head off at me. We went trick or treating, then went home and passed out candy for a couple of hours. We both had a grand time!

Another quiz...too funny!

2008-10-31T15:34:00.000-05:00

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level

* my ability to establish warm connections with people

* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

* being unique and being seen as unique by others

* having aesthetic sensibilities

* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

* feeling guilty when I disappoint people

* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

* expecting too much from myself and life

* fearing being abandoned

* obsessing over resentments

* longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games

* are very sensitive

* feel that they don't fit in

* believe they are missing something that other people have

* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

* help their children become who they really are

* support their children's creativity and originality

* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

School Daze

2008-08-23T01:09:00.003-05:00

This evening was "Meet the Teacher" night at Maddy's new school. She's moving to 5th grade this year, and with that comes a move from elementary school to intermediate school in our district. We're really excited ~ a new teacher, some old friends, and a whole new school building to learn.

Her teacher seems really sweet ~ I'm looking forward to working with her this year! The room was laid out nicely, with lots of space for each child. She only has five students in her Life Skills class, and four of them are stinky boys, so she was really glad to meet Maddy. ;) I have a feeling she'll be thoroughly spoiled this year!

We also met her two classroom assistants, signed up for the PTA, and toured the school. It's really a nice building. Two stories (yes, there is an elevator), a cafe, gym, library, office and more. We learned about bus drop-off, and toured her classroom extensively. It's on the second floor, which means she'll be in the elevator several times per day. Should be interesting!

I haven't heard from the transportation people, so I have no idea what time the bus will arrive on Monday for the first day of school. This is as usual ~ we almost never know when to expect them for the first few days. I used to be really anxious about it, but now I just have her ready an hour before school starts, and we wait it out. I did see some bus drivers running "test runs" today, so I'm hoping that they at least have us on the schedule this year.

I can barely believe that my little punkin is headed for intermediate school. She's still so much smaller than her peers, even though we've held her back a couple of times. She'll be 12 in November, so I think she should be going into 7th grade this year instead of 5th. If I have my way about it, we will keep her in this school for at least 3 years before moving her to middle school. lol

One neat thing was how many cries of, "Hello, Maddy!" we received as we walked through the school. All of her friends from 4th grade are there, and they've been with her since kindy, so she is well-known and adored by all. She still seems a little unsure about this whole "new school" thing, but I know she will adapt and be just fine ~ just give her a few weeks. ;) Same thing for me! I need time to adapt and adjust, too! lol

What about you? What are your new challenges coming this school year? Are your kids excited about school, or just dreading it? How about you? ((I'm excited, Maddy seems ambivalent, and Tom is worried! lol)

Have a wonderful weekend, and a terrific first day of school!

Kim

Pictures of You

2008-07-28T01:40:00.001-05:00

Pictures of You
Originally uploaded by kimmie68

Stole this groovy idea from wrekehavoc and wanted to do one myself. So, here are teh rulz:

The concept:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s Flickr Toys: mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? right now?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

Then post your results.

Thanks; sleep and the full moon

2008-07-22T07:23:00.003-05:00

Wow, y'all ~ just WOW!

My birthday recap was recenty featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom and my traffic has been through. the. roof. since then. I've been stunned by the outpouring of support, and want to take a moment to thank all the new readers, commenters, and those who have taken the time to email me. Thank you so very much! I've been blogging (sporadically, of course, because that is how my life is!) for years, so to have such a sudden influx of new readers was surprising and really, really sweet. I must admit, I was a little freaked at first (what if MY MOM finds this blog? ZOMG! What would she say? What would I say? Would she speak to me ever again?) but then I calmed down. After all, I only wrote the truth, and she can handle the truth, right? Probably not ~ and that's okay, too. I can handle it enough for both of us. ;)

Now, to the full moon. On and off throughout her life, Maddy has had episodes of sleeplessness. Seriously, the child can party like a rock star ~ staying awake for 48 (or more! lots more!) hours, before crashing into a drooling puddle on the floor, surrounded by every toy she owns, snoring lightly and twitching a little bit. We had one of those weekends ~ again ~ this week. They seem to be increasing. This time, those sleepless nights coincide with a huge developmental step ~ Maddy has decided that staying in one spot is for loserz, and since she CAN scoot around on her back, she WILL scoot around on her back ~ all over the house ~ dragging her feeding pump and feeding bag behind her, thank yew verah verah much.

Now, I close her door when I put her to bed at night. Initially, this was strictly for my benefit. It kept the baby monitor from screeching feedback at me all night long. Nowadays, though, it has the extra, added benefit of keeping the child contained in her room. Unfortunately, she now has the darling, charming habit of parking her 55+ pounds in front of the door. There is simply nothing more hilarious to her than watching her plus-sized Mama trying to squeeze through approximately one inch of space between her door and her bookshelf, all the while pleading with her to "PLEASE let Mama in the room, punkin! You need to scoot back!" Seriously, she was laughing at me. Over and over and over again. All night long on Saturday. And Sunday. Of course, during each of these acrobatic attempts, I was also listening to the dadgummed pump, which is beeping every 1.2 seconds and flashing lights at me ~ "NO FLOW OUT". No shit, Sherlock. The 55+ pound child has tied the tubing in a knot, and is resting her weight on it, too, and that is just too much for the pump.

She finally slept last night. Thank you, God! Of course, by "last night" I mean starting at 5:30 in the afternoon, and by "slept" I mean she drooled all over herself and her bed, and that she looked like a tiny dead person ~ eyes open and staring vacantly, mouth ajar, and limbs akimbo. I put her in bed at 7:30, when it was obvious she was not waking up (thank you, God!!!) and let me tell you, wrestling 55+ pounds of dead weight (plus the pump and feeding bag!) down the hall and into bed is no mean feat for me.

Back to the blog title, though ~ we've been monitoring the last several cycles of sleeplessness, and have found that, for the last 4 months, her wakefulness coincides with the full moon. That's it, I am raising a werewolf! She is inhabited by a sleepless monster for the days following the full moon. Strange but true. At first, I thought maybe the light from the moon was keeping my girlie awake, so I added (really ugly, non-matching) "light blocking" curtains to her bedroom window. They didn't help, although they turn her room into a cave. Next remedy? A dose of melatonin each night, starting a few days before the full moon, and continuing for the few days afterwards. No dice. No sleeping. For either of us. Benadryl, which normally renders my child a drooling, sleeping mess? Nope. Just pisses her off. So now what? Any suggestions from y'all? Should I call the doc and ask for a sleeping pill for my 11 year old? lol It doesn't seem to cause her any distress, but I am 40, y'all ~ my years of partying like a rock star are well behind me. I need to sleep! Do you think we could skip the next full moon? I find myself staring at my calendar and refusing to schedule anything around those 4-5 days each month. It's worse than having a period! UGH! (Oh, and I'm expecting that she will start hers in the next year or two, and that the general crankiness will increase exponentially thereafter. What joy. Not.)

Speaking of sleep ~ her nurse just arrived for the day, so I think I will take a nap. Happy Tuesday!

A meme

2008-07-10T17:28:00.002-05:00

I stole this one from the Hotfessional:

Teh Rulz:
Pick up the nearest book
Open to page 123
Find the 5th sentence
Post the next three sentences
Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you

The nearest book is one I am currently reading, entitled Ghost Road Blues. It was written by Jonathon Maberry, and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

From the 5th sentence of page 123:

The shape drew near and then squatted down next to him. Tony tried to
see past the glare of the flashlight, but the shape held it so close that he
couldn't see anything.
"You're hurt," the shape said. The voice was flat. It was a statement,
not a question.
"I...I've been...shot."

I won't be tagging anyone, since no one officially tagged me, but if you want
to do this one, go ahead! :)

update on the spots

2008-07-10T17:26:00.002-05:00

I had two moles removed on Tuesday. Both were almost certainly benign (whoop!), at least according to the doctor. Awaiting pathology results now, but I am no longer worried. The removal was painless, but the shots beforehand hurt like crazy! It was also a little strange to hear the doc snipping away with scissors ~ on my skin! ~ and the cauterizing afterwards was very. stinky. Ugh. I'd rather not have to do that again, for sure!

Sports & Spots

2008-07-07T00:59:00.003-05:00

Sports: Tom spent the day today watching Wimbledon. Sorry, honey, but I just don't understand! lol Tennis is a fun game to play, but watching it is about as exciting as watching paint dry, as far as I'm concerned. Maddy was absolutely entranced, of course, which only proves that my darling girl is a sports addict, just like Daddy. Good news? While they were watching that, I was able to take a nap in a dark room ~ a good thing when I have a migraine.

Spots: I am going to the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. Not for a checkup, not for my headaches (although I am sure we will talk about those, as well), but because I am, well, spotted. Moley. Freckled. Slightly sun damaged. About 10 days ago, I had this incredible urge to scratch my shoulder ~ and when I did, probing lightly, I found a new-ish mole. Large. Irregularly shaped. Multicolored. Asked Dr. Google (of course!) and scared myself silly (naturally!) So, I am going in for a "mole check".

Now, I've had lily-white skin for nigh on 25 years. I tend to slather my skin with sun block and wear wide-brimmed hats (granted, this fits in with my style) when I spend any amount of time outdoors. I consider this a practical skin-saving technique for a Texas girl of Scots-German descent. Despite my attempts to save my porcelain complexion, I've had many moles (and even a few freckles) turn up over the years. Also, I've had two severe sunburns on my shoulders (both as a teenager) ~ so I am at higher risk for sun-caused skin cancer. My doc does skin biopsies in his office, so I hope he'll just take this thing off, tell me not to worry about it (or any of the other 200+ moles I have all over my body) and that will be that. If only my nerves would listen to my head on that one.... Repeat after me: all will be well, and all will be well, and all matter of things will be well....

Time to go to bed now. Thinking healthy thoughts for all of us, and all of you, too!

A meme!

2008-07-02T01:22:00.002-05:00

A is for: Attached or Single? Attached. Married to the love of my life.
B is for: Best Friend? Tom. Love you!
C is for Cake or pie? Cake. Or Chocolate Pie. ;) Or just Chocolate!
D is for: Day of choice? Sunday ~ the only day of the week my husband will almost definitely be home!
E is for: Essential item? Chapstick. Never leave home without it!
F is for: Favorite color? pink, red, green, blue, black, brown, white, cream. Oh heck, throw in yellow and orange, too, why don't you?
G is for: Gummy bears or worms? Blick. I can eat approximately 1 gummi bear per decade.
H is for: Home town? Fort Worth, TX
I is for: Favorite indulgence? buying books. I love books.
K is for: Kids? One, Maddy, age 11.5.
L is for: Life isn’t complete without? Love. Maddy. Books. Diet Coke. Friends. Family ~ most of the time. ;)
M is for: Marriage date? November 25, 1989
N is for: Number of brothers and sisters? One sister by birth, one sister-in-love, and countless sisters of my heart.
O is for: Oranges or Apples? Oranges.
P is for: Phobias? Numerous. Spiders. Zombies. Enclosed spaces. The dark. Unlocked doors. The Thing Under the Bed. Elevators.
Q is for: Quotes? "I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle. Sometimes I just wish he didn't trust me so much." ~ Mother Teresa
S is for: Season of choice? Fall and Winter.
T is for: Tag, you’re it! If you do this meme, leave me a comment.
U is for an Unknown fact about me: I'm an introvert in an extrovert's body. I have social anxiety.
V is for: Vegetable? Baked potato.
W is for: Worst Habit? Smoking. Yes, I do. Bad, bad, bad!
X is for: X-ray or Ultrasound? Neither, please. I've been irradiated enough in my life.
Y is for: Your favorite food? Mashed potatoes and gravy. Macaroni and cheese. Peanut butter. Comfort foods! lol I also love steak, anything Italian, almost all Mexican foods, and bread, glorious bread.
Z is for: Zodiac sign? Cancer. The Crab. It fits me perfectly, too. ;)
Z is also for: Which zoo animal is your favorite? The elephants. Also, dolphins. Really, though, I wish we didn't have zoos ~ they hurt my heart. I'd much rather watch a web cam shot of animals in their natural habitats.

Birthday Recap

2008-06-29T23:20:00.002-05:00

So, I'm 40. :) I can has another year? lol

My "big day" was Wednesday. I spent it nursing a migraine, changing multiple poopy diapers, and trying, in vain, to keep us all cool-ish when a massive thunderstorm knocked out the power for 9 hours. Fun times. The husband had to work, of course, so we splurged and had Chik-Fil-A for dinner. lol I did get to speak on the phone to all my living relatives, so that was nice. Otherwise, it was a low-key day. The best kind of all, in my book.

Saturday, we had my family party. It was held at my sister's house, which is lovely. My mom cooked a roast (with trimmings) and a homemade chocolate pie (my fave! yum!) and I received way too many gifts from my family. I can't pick a favorite, but some notable items were a pink and brown giraffe-patterned purse (way too cute), some milk glass geegaws for my vanity, a few cobalt blue glass items, a ruby necklace (gorgeous!) and an antique milk glass lamp for my sideboard. I did have a migraine and got absolutely NO sleep the night before, but it was fun. We got there about 1 PM and left around 8. We arrived home in another thunderstorm to ~ you guessed it! ~ no power. It was off this time until around 3:30 AM. I didn't care ~ I opened windows, lit candles so we could see to get around, and went to bed around midnight. Ghastly hot. Africa hot. When the power came back on, I woke up and put the candles out, changed Maddy, and went right back to bed, where I stayed until 11:30. :) Score! Sleep for me!

Maddy loves my sister, loves my dad, loves my brother-in-law, and loves my sister's cat. She does not like my mom. Never has. Of course, my mom doesn't particularly care for or understand Maddy, so the feeling is mutual. Sad, but true ~ several times over the years, my mom has made snide comments about Maddy and her disabilities, always right in front of Maddy, thinking that Maddy cannot possibly understand her. The first comment that I recall came when Maddy wasn't quite 6 weeks old and had just come home from the hospital on hospice care. We took her to my parents' house for a visit. I was complaining about how tired I was ~ Maddy couldn't lay flat to sleep, so I had to either hold her 24-7 (usually in a sling), or put her in her infant seat to use the bathroom. Typical new mom stuff, you know. Mom looked at me, looked at Maddy, and said, in her utterly tactless, mean-mom voice, "Just wait until you have a real baby ~ then you'll know about sleep-deprivation!" I just gaped at her. Hmph. Real baby. Hell, this one CAME OUT OF MY BODY! I think she's pretty REAL. ugh. Anyway, we left pretty much immediately, me holding T back from backhanding my mom. He was really angry at her. She's said equally thoughtless things many times over the years.

Anyway, Maddy was fine until my mom walked over to her and started baby-talking to her. Maddy loathes baby talk ~ she's 11 1/2 years old! She's a Big Girl. Just ask her ~ she'll tell you! lol She snorted at my mom, turned away from her, and when Nana persisted, she started to fuss. Mom turned away from her and said, "She just doesn't like me. That's okay, though, because I don't like her, either." Really mature, Mom. *snicker* I looked at her, though, and this time I actually said what I've wanted to say to her for years. "Yeah, Mom, she knows you don't like her, and that's why she responds accordingly to you." My mom drew herself up, threw me a look to kill, and said, "Well! I never!" and walked away. Score one for turning 40 ~ I guess I am finally growing a backbone when it comes to my mother and her relationship with her only grandchild.

Of course, as the day went on, Mom just glossed over it as if nothing had happened, even demanding a kiss goodbye from Maddy, who did not give her one. Like oil and water, those two. lol She did kiss Grandpa goodbye, though. *shrug* I don't think my mom will ever understand Maddy, and I know that as long as she won't even try, Maddy won't give her an inch. People always wonder why my parents don't watch their only grandchild, or even spend much time with us, even though we only live 18 miles away ~ there you go. Straight from the horse's mouth ~ my mom does not like my retarded child. Niiiiiice.

In the early years of Maddy's life, I really mourned for her loss of a nana. My own nana (my mom's mom) was very important in my life. She kept me, sometimes for weeks at a time, took me on vacations, loved me 100% unconditionally, and always told me how proud she was of me. That's what I wanted for my kid(s), and what T's mom provided. She absolutely adored Maddy, and spent more time with her on a yearly basis than my mom ever had ~ even though she lived almost 900 miles from us for most of Maddy's life. She spent between 2-4 weeks with us every year, and made no bones about the fact that she was here to see her granddaughter ~ we were just icing on the cake. lol She'd call on the phone every few days, always asking to talk to Maddy, who would just light up when she heard Granny's voice on the telephone. When Momma/Granny died, Maddy cried right along with us. She was very subdued at the funeral home and at the graveside services. She may be retarded, but she knows when people love her and she misses those people when they aren't around. She understood our grief, and while she may not understand the concept of death (I'm not sure about that, of course, since she can't talk to me in the conventional ways, but I don't think she really gets it.) she does understand missing her loved ones, and I know she misses Granny.

I'm very thankful that Maddy got 10+ years with Granny. I just wish my own mother could loosen up a little, and see the perfection that is my beautiful angel daughter. Maddy is such a little teacher ~ a soul full of life and light, joy and honesty, laughs and kisses.... My mom is really missing out by rejecting her.

Lucky me ~ I'm The Mommy of the world's most amazing child. I know it, and so do most of the people who open themselves to her.

I'm 40, and I am blessed. I also grew some pretty big ones this year! lol Good for me, and good for Maddy! :)

My last weekend...

2008-06-21T11:16:00.003-05:00

...as a woman in my 30's.

Wow.

I am completely disillusioned. Where the hell is my flying car? How come I can't hop a flight to the moon, or to Mars? Where's my dad-blasted holodeck? I tell ya, life is one big disappointment around here.

Okay, not really.

We do have some pretty cool toys ~ this laptop, for instance, which is hooked up (wirelessly, natch) to the Interwebs. Not to mention the DVR, the big screen television, HD movies and surround sound at home, and phones that we carry with us. Still, I want that flying car. AND the trip to the moon. ;)

I am not having nearly as hard a time with turning 40 as I did with turning 30. Better living through chemistry, perhaps? Or is it just that I'm so much more comfortable in my skin now? A little of both, most likely. I do keep turning corners in my pointed little head, though, and discovering that "I'm almost 40!!!!" thought, beaming itself across my brain in neon letters about 20 feet high. Wednesday. I will be 40 on Wednesday. That's halfway to 80, which if I am lucky, I will live to see. (My grandmother lived to be 82, so it's not out of the realm of possibility....) If so, I am halfway done. True middle age starts, well, NOW!

Dang.

I've always felt like an adult in my head ~ always. I never remember feeling particularly childish, even when I was a child. My "perfect age" seemed to be around 32-33...that's just how old I felt inside, no matter what the actual number of years I had on the planet. Even now, when someone asks my age, I have to think about it to skip past that "33" as an answer. I wonder if that will change now that I have a "4" in my number?

Nah, probably not.

I have a whole list of ways to determine my place in life, just like everyone else does. I've been married for 18 years. My daughter is 11 years old. My parents are 60 and almost 63. My sister is 34. I worked at a single job for 15 years. I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 6 years. It's been 6 years since my elevator accidents ~ the two days that wrecked my physical being and changed my life irrevocably. My best friend has been gone for 7 years, my Nana for almost 13 years.

I still marvel over all the things that can happen in 10 years. Where will I be in 2018? Staring at my 50th birthday? How much has changed in this last decade? So much ~ too much to put into words, really. And the decade before that ~ when I was still in my 20s and all things were still wide open and possible. The decade before that saw me grow from a child into a married woman. Whoa. And the first decade ~ the longest one, in memory, anyway ~ my childhood, the foundation of the person I am now. The very birth of "me", at least in this iteration.

Who knows what comes next? I am open to all the possibilities. I know that when I look back over this decade, I will see many changes ~ sorrow, joy, and laughter. I hope I also see wit and wisdom, accumulating in this body and in this soul. Acceptance of my flaws and my humanity ~ and a realization of at least a few of my dreams.

Heck, maybe even a flying car. ;)

6 months later...

2008-06-19T01:39:00.002-05:00

Hello? Is this thing on? *blows into mic*

Shew, I cannot believe it has been six months since I've updated this blog! Time really does fly when you're living day-to-day life, doesn't it?

So much to say.....where to start....

Christmas was fine. lol So was the New Year, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and the last day of school. ;) (Too sad that I missed updating on ALL of those days!)

Yes, I am still having mucho migraines. My neuro doc has basically given up on me, I think. I take pain meds when I can and just deal with it the rest of the time. I did have a little disturbing thing happen this evening, though. A nice, stabbing pain inside my left eye, followed by profuse tearing and swelling. I'm going to put a call in for a visit in the morning ~ hope it's nothing!

One week from today is my...gulp...40th birthday. How is this even possible?!? I swear, it seems like just yesterday that I celebrated turning 21, and here I am...19 years later.... Whoa. I told T yesterday that this is it ~ beginning next year, I'm counting DOWN instead of UP. ;) We'll be going to my parents' house on the 28th for my family party, which should be fun. Maybe. Depending on how bad a mood my mom is in and if my headache is good or bad that day. *shrug* Heck, I really don't care too much about the party, to be honest. If I had my way, we'd have stopped these family parties when I was about 20. lol It will be good to see everyone, though, and that's the most important part of it.

My nephew is in town this week for a conference in Dallas. We're planning on picking him up Saturday for lunch and an outing somewhere. He graduated from high school this year and is going to college in the fall, so he's really growing up. The other nephew turned 17 last week and will graduate next year. I still can't believe that my SIL is old enough to have children that old ~ and she's two years behind me! lol

Maddy is fantastic. She's been loads of fun so far this summer, although she is getting a little bored already. She really misses the routine of school, I think ~ almost as much as I do! lol Her nurses have been taking her for walks in the neighborhood, and shopping at the local stores. She really loves getting out of the house for awhile, and seems to enjoy being outside, even though it is Africa Hot here right now! I can hardly believe that my little baby girl will be going to intermediate school next year. Of course, she has the attitude to show that she's a tween...lol.

T is great. His leg strength improves every day, it seems, and he is walking much better. Still working waaayyyy too many hours, but the checks are nice, so we try not to complain too much. We've been fortunate to have him home most of the spring/summer so far ~ and hope that it continues! He's working locally for now, although he has his resume out there all over the country. At some point, we'll probably pull up stakes and head for another city ~ or even another state. *gulp* The thought of moving away is a little frightening to this home-girl, but I'll follow him...I can't imagine not doing so.

It's about time for the 2 AM diaper change, so I am headed to do that now, and then to bed. I wonder if I'll be able to do any better with keeping up with my blog? Nah, probably not. Still ~ nice to know it's still here when I feel like checking in. ;)

G'night all ~
Kim

Sad day today.

2007-12-12T00:17:00.000-06:00

A local child with CdLS passed away suddenly on Dec. 7. Her mom was the first person I ever spoke with after Maddy's diagnosis, and we've kept in touch through the years ~ although somewhat sporadically.

I just cried and cried when I read the email yesterday. C. was just about to turn 12 years old, and was perfectly healthy. She went into the hospital on Wednesday for some dental work under anesthesia, and an endoscopy to check that her reflux meds were working. She came home the same day, and was doing fine. Thursday night, she went to sleep and never woke up. *cry*

M's backup nurse came to stay with her this evening so T and I could go to C's wake. It was so heartbreaking to see her in her little casket, all decked out in purple (her fave color, just like Maddy's). She was so still ~ a little one who never sat still for more than 2 seconds, just like M ~ it was so wrong to see such a beautiful young girl in a casket.

Her parents split up at some point in the last year or so (I didn't know until I read the obit) and it was so tough to see them going through this on separate sides of the funeral parlor. D (C's mommy) was just devastated ~ we just held onto each other and cried. Her dad, R, was holding himself together a little better, relying on his Catholic faith to bear him up. The room was packed with mourners and flowers and photos of C. Friends, teachers, therapists, family ~ all mingling together and united in missing this beautiful little girl.

When we left, DH and I stood outside, under the portico, holding each other and sobbing.

I know I've said it before ~ while CdLS is not in itself a fatal syndrome, there is so much we don't know ~ so many things that can go wrong. We've looked Maddy's death square in the eye on several occasions, and had it pass us by. We've been blessed with lots of really happy time together ~ more than any of us ever expected. We really try to enjoy every single day with Maddy, and love her to pieces, realizing that someday we'll lose her. Tonight just hammered it home to me, once again ~ how unfair it is to lose a child. How wrong it is for a parent to have to bury a child. How awful it is to see a child in a casket. How blasted wrong this all is.

I came home and hugged Maddy, and rested on her bed with her for about 30 minutes. She was sleeping, and had no idea I was even there ~ but it didn't matter. I just wanted to feel her warmth. Smell her sweet hair. Look at her beautiful face. Love her ~ for as many days as we're given. Then I changed her diaper and made her realllly mad, got a BIG hug and a kiss, and put the princess back to bed. Lucky, lucky me. I got another day with her. *sobbing*

God, please be with D and R (and little sister H) while they learn to navigate through life without C. Please hold them up and bless them with your love and your light. Amen.

Rest in peace, C ~ the world is a little darker without your light blazing in it.

2007-10-31T02:46:00.000-05:00

I lifted this meme from http://cheeseparty.blogspot.com/in honor of Halloween.

Bold those you’ve seen. Italicize movies you have started but couldn’t finish. Add an asterisk* to those you have watched more than once. Underline those on your ‘To Watch’ list.

* The Shining* - REDRUM! REDRUM! The book is better (aren't they always?) but the creepiness of Jack Nicholson made the original really scary.
The Exorcist* - One of my all time favorite movies, not just of the scary variety.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - meh. Not high on my list.
* The Silence of the Lambs* - Scary, scary, scary! I've owned this one in all its iterations.
* JAWS* - I've always been afraid of the ocean. Despite the obviously mechanical shark, this movie only reinforced my fears. Especially when I went to the coast the summer after the release. *shudder*
* Halloween - Top ten, baby! Excellent fear factor. Bonus points for scaring the hell out of my little sister with a sheet over my head. ;)
Psycho* - Hitchcock is a genius. Period. Made me want to skip showers, forever.
* Seven - Her HEAD. Was. In. The Box!!! UGH!
* Rosemary’s Baby* - Mia Farrow creeps me out to begin with, and then she's pregnant with Satan's Spawn? *shudder*
* Poltergeist* - Saw this one at the theatre, with my parents and my little sister. :) Yes, we're a family of weirdos.
* A Nightmare on Elm Street - Saw this one about 20 times in the movies. Excellent date material here. :)
* Friday the 13th - Rented this one for the family, back when you could still rent in Betamax format. lol The first of its kind, really.
* The Thing - When the head pops off and grows spider legs, skittering across the floor? Genius. We saw this one (the remake) at the drive-in movie. Another family outing. ;)
The Evil Dead - I watched this one at a church retreat. Don't remember too much about it.
* Carrie* - Movie's okay, but the book is much better. :)
* Night of the Living Dead -My parents scared the hell out of me while I was watching this one, alone, one Halloween. I've never been the same. The remake sucks ass, but the remake of
Dawn of the Dead* was creepy and perfect. Verrrry scary stuff, if you be hatin' the zombies like me!
The Omen* - The dogs freaked me out. Also, my mom was traumatized when my little sister started growling in her bassinet a few days after she watched this in the theater with my dad. Glorious! The grownups got scared too! :)
An American Werewolf in London* - Some of the best special effects I'd seen up to that time. Also, the opening scene scared the pants off me.
* Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - Watched this one twice ~ once for me, and once with my sister. Creepy.
* The Hitcher - meh. Bad 80's scares.
Lost Highway - never heard of it.
The Blair Witch Project - Not scary at all. Stupid. A waste of my time.
* Pet Sematary - One of the best adaptations of a King story, IMO.
* Saw - Gorgeously oogy and what a great ending. Haven't seen any of the sequels, though.
* The Ring - That little girl creeped me out. Also the video link thingamajig.
* Scream – Updated slasher pic. It was okay, but I liked the originals better. Great nod to the genre in the film class, though.
* 28 Days Later - I hate zombies. Especially fast ones. But I loved the opening sequence to this film. T thought it jumped the shark when they entered the tunnel, but I seriously slept with the lights on for weeks. All around good scare. Can't wait to see the second one!

There are too many others to mention ~ but if you feel like it, meme yourself! :D

A meme...

2007-10-01T02:35:00.000-05:00

I AM: worried about Maddy.

I WISH: that I could call up Gayle. That I could fly. That I could go on vacation with my family.

I HATE: dirty floors, dusting, and putting away laundry.

I MISS: Momma. Gayle. Nana. My parents.

I HEAR: Maddy fussing. :(

I WONDER: what happens when we die. Is there life outside our five senses.

I REGRET: not getting my degree.

I AM NOT: thin.

I DANCE: like a white girl. Oh, wait ~ I am a white girl!

I SING: all the time.

I CRY: too often.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: on time. (I'm never on time!) Easy to get to know. In a good mood.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: meals for my family, delicious desserts and breads, scrapbooks, and beautiful hairstyles for Maddy (and me).

I WRITE: notes to myself, to-do lists, shopping lists, words of support and encouragement, blog entries, and notes in my scrapbooks.

I CONFUSE: pain and hunger. To the detriment of my waist!

I NEED: to go to sleep. My husband's strong arms around me. My daughter's laughter.

I SHOULD: put away that last load of (folded) laundry.

I START: many more projects than I could ever finish.

I FINISH: when I have a deadline.

If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! :)

Happy October!

2007-10-01T00:41:00.000-05:00

Wow ~ it's October already. This year has been flying by.

Maddy's sick again. This time, it's her recurrent bowel troubles. She hasn't pooped since Friday (TMI, I know ~ sorry!) and she is miserable, with a capital M! I even tried to "go after" the blockage this evening, and it sucked backed in. *sigh* Poor wee one. I wish she'd just push it out. Tomorrow ~ Miralax. Which will be followed, inevitably, by the runs and a diaper rash. I think I know what the culprit is this time, at least. She needed a new g-button (the old one lost the little closing tab) and they just cut the old one and let it go into her tummy. So, it's gumming up the works. Since the bowel obstruction, emergency surgery, and one month PICU stay a few years ago, I get nervous when she gets irregular. When I got pregnant, I never thought that I'd still be this concerned about another person's BMs after almost 11 years. lol Still, it beats the alternative. ;)

DH finally came home last weekend. Unfortunately, he's been on nights since he came home, and next weekend, he's going out of town again. Man, it's tough. We get on a schedule when he's gone, and then he comes home. We get on a schedule when he's home, and he leaves again. Maddy just doesn't know which way is up. lol Neither do I, for that matter. I'm thrilled to see him at least a little bit each day, though. I sure do miss him ~ especially at night. I must admit that I don't miss his messes, though. lol The house stays much neater when he is out of town. ;) I'd take the messes to have him on a regular schedule....

Still waiting on the settlement check. I've given up on it at this point, really. I know it's coming ~ someday soon ~ but I don't know when. There were errors on the paperwork that they prepared for my signature, and so that all had to go back to the respective attornies for corrections. I should have those back Monday or Tuesday. Then the real waiting begins. New washing machine, here I come! lol It's so funny to think that I'm that excited about a laundry purchase, but I am. I guess it's true what they say about what makes you happy when you are older. ;)

I bought Maddy's Halloween costume. She's going to be a Forest Fairy, complete with wings. :) Too cute. She seemed to like it, but we'll see how she feels when I actually dress her in it on the big day. lol She usually only tolerates her costume for a couple of hours, but loves to watch the kids come to the door to collect candy. Otherwise, it's just not that big a deal to her. I, on the other hand, absolutely love Halloween. My costume is a dead bride. :D Should be spooky!

We have our annual ARD meeting on Tuesday morning. Should be interesting. We have to do the placement portion this year, since Maddy will be moving from elementary school to middle school next year. We aren't even sure we're staying in this school district after this school year, so that should add a whole layer of issues to the whole thing. I've not been pleased with her progress this school year, either. So we have a lot to discuss. *sigh* Better get the brownies baked so that the sharks are well fed and ready to listen to me! lol

It seems like I have a million thoughts for my blog every day, but when I sit down to write, they all fly away, and I wind up reciting a list of boring crap. Oh well. This is just a journal for me, so who cares, right? Oh yeah ~ I do. *snicker* Maybe I should start writing things down when I think of them. ha

Better run ~ I hear the Angel calling me again. Poor little mouse. She's really upset. :( See ya when I see ya!

Thankful for...

2007-09-15T23:52:00.000-05:00

I decided (after last night's little rant) that maybe I'd be better served to list the things that are making me happy, or the things I am thankful for, rather than focusing on the negative. Hmmmm...ya think? ;)

Here's my list of things I am thankful for today:

Maddy. She just lights up my life. What a gorgeous smile! What a sweet laugh! And don't even get me started on open-mouth kisses on my cheeks and chin, and nibbles on my nose.
Buddy dog. Such a sweet boy. Despite his bad behavior, he is a wonderful little lap-warmer and toe-licker. He has a fierce protective streak that comes out as a German Shepherd sized bark from all 8 pounds of his little, wriggly body. I do love this puppy.
One and a half hour phone conversations with my darling husband. He had me laughing so hard at one point that I had to put the phone down. Love that man...love him, love him, LOVE him! (I still wish he'd come home, like five minutes ago!)
Surprise phone calls from my sister and my mom. Sis must have heard my plea last night ~ she called this afternoon and we chatted for a few minutes. It made my whole week.
Catalogs in the mail. I love catalogs. Cheesy items with crazy prices and a few perfect Christmas gifts. :) Love it!

So, tomorrow is Sunday, and Maddy and I will be watching the Cowboys play the Dolphins. Go 'Boys! :) Y'all have a safe Saturday night, and I'll catch you on the flip side....

Things that are pissing me off right now

2007-09-14T02:37:00.000-05:00

I have a whole list. UGH.

DH is working out of town, and found out tonight that he will be gone for another week. We'll have seen him for a grand total of 36 hours in the last 5 weeks.
Single mommyhood? Bites the big one.
Geckos in. my. house. (They don't really piss me off until they come flying off the walls and disappear under furniture. Then I have to worry about geckos. in. my. bed. Or gecko guts being eaten by the dachshund.)
My gear shift. For some reason, it's sticking between 1st and 2nd gear. Can't take it to the shop until DH comes home. See item 1.
Running out of Diet Coke. I NEED CAFFEINE!!!
The dachshund. He needs to be fixed, taken to dog school, and vaccinated. None of which I can do with the gear shift acting up. He'll puke if I don't drive carefully enough, even though it's only 10 blocks to the vet's office. I can't get him to walk on a leash.
George W. Bush. 'nuff said.
Thinking desperately of ways to get to Big Spring to see DH, all the while knowing that none of the ways will actually work. And even if they did, I can't bring the dog, or board him, since he hasn't had his vax. Natch.
Still waiting on the settlement check from the insurance company. We're now 4 weeks past the deadline that they gave me of two weeks ~ for a total of six weeks late. Good thing I didn't go on a crazy spending spree or I'd be in big trouble!
Missing my family. Especially my sister. Wish she'd call....
Missing my SIL and my nephews. Hurry up $$, so we can make a surprise trip to GA for Homecoming!
Exhaustion and insomnia.
Migraines and head colds.

That is all.

One of my favorite sites...

2007-08-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

PostSecret

2007-08-12T16:36:00.000-05:00

Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin'...

2007-06-05T22:58:00.001-05:00

...into the future.

Key Steve Miller musical reference...now!

/geek

Seriously though, it's been a crazy few weeks. It started with 5 days of travelling, then evolved into an additional 5 days of my dearest SIL in Texas with us, which all led to copious amounts of furniture, boxes, and bequests to deal with, not to mention furniture delivery, another complete office re-do, a new computer, and a sick Maddy Moo, and you get the general idea of where I've been the last 6 weeks or so.

Let's start with the sick baby girl. A week ago, she came down with a dry, hacking cough and a fever of 101.1+. She rarely runs a temperature, and her normal body temp is about 96.6-96.7, so I was a little alarmed. The temp broke completely after two days, and she was perky and laughing, so we just kept her dosed up on Tylenol and Mucinex, and have been running the humidifier, etc. to help keep her lungs clear. Our ped is on vacation ~ for another 2.5 weeks ~ so we've been in touch with the nurse, and she (and our nurse) agree that watching her for one more day is okay. Finally, this evening, she perked up a bit and played with her toys and "talked" to me for awhile. I should really post a sound file of those conversations. She finds me quite hilarious and is tricksy with her responses. Anyway, I think she's on the downhill side now ~ she's handling her secretions quite well. ;) (Gross, I know, but true!)

Let's see, what else is going on today ~ the office is an official disaster area, and I've been working in there for a week now. The bedroom is finished, except for the curtains and fine-tuning. I cleaned out our closet, received and installed Momma's bedroom suite (sans the bed) and am happy with the way things work in here. We're still looking for the perfect trundle bed for Maddy's room. I think we may end up having to make a bed for her. She won't stay on her mattress on the floor, so we can't safely put her in a higher bed. We need a low trundle on wheels that slides under a regular twin bed of some sort. I also added an ivy to Maddy's room ~ it should love it in there, and she really needed something green in her room. What better than an ivy or two?

I also installed the new taupe sun-blocking curtains in the windows in the dining area portion of the great room. That was an exercise, and without Tom's help, they'd be crooked! lol I hate hanging curtains like that ~ too heavy. Tomorrow, I begin the search for pretty tie backs for those days when the sun isn't beating down at 100+ degrees. Summer is on her way now ~ it was finally 91 today, after an especially cool and wet spring. I think we got the curtains up just in time to help our electric bill. :)

I have a million things to hang, install, and otherwise handle over the next few weeks, so I'll probably be scarce. I'll pop in when I can.

Monday, Monday...

2007-04-10T00:32:00.000-05:00

...really sucks the big one.

First of all, why the HECK is it so cold here?!? It's Texas. It's April. Yet, on Saturday we had SNOW. What is up with that?

We stayed home all weekend. Between the headache and the depression, I just was not motivated to do much, other than house-stuff. I did a bunch of laundry, of course, and played with Maddy quite a bit, but we kept it low-key.

Tomorrow, I have to get my car inspected and my tags renewed. Ugh. Then, to the grocery store. Maybe. It's supposed to rain, so T may be able to come home early and take me, which would be great.

I called the doc today and left a message. No reply. Hoping for tomorrow...I need to talk to them about my meds and these headaches. Again. For the 900th time.

Maddy is doing well. We put her on Carafate for an area of redness around her g-button site. That cleared up, so we were able to stop the meds. She had a grumpy day at school, but was happy once she got home. Things with her are so stable right now, I'm almost holding my breath. (Touch wood, she'll stay healthy this year!)

I'm getting a "new-to-me" camera soon. Bought it from a friend. :) I'm very excited ~ there's been something wrong with the telephoto funtion on my old Toshiba for awhile now, so I really need one. Look for more pics in the very near future.

So, that's a really boring update. Can't help it...I have a really boring existance right now. What can I do? lol

Laters.

really down. bleah

2007-04-06T23:16:00.000-05:00

I wasn't expecting Easter weekend to be particularly difficult. After all, I don't think I *ever* spent an Easter with Momma. So, this should be a piece of cake, right?

Wrong.

I'm depressed. My meds aren't working, either, I don't think...I just keep having really dark thoughts. I have no energy. I feel...useless. My head is aching, and that's nothing new, but it just seems worse than usual ~ harder to stay positive. Heck, practically impossible to stay positive. *sigh*

I'm dreading tomorrow (and I LOVE Saturdays with my little family, usually!) It's supposed to be cold, overcast, and rainy all weekend. We were planning on going to the cemetery to put flowers on Momma's grave, and while we still will do it, we won't be able to stay very long, and I doubt we'll even be able to get Maddy out of the car ~ too cold and icky. I'm dreading seeing her grave. Silly, I know ~ it's just a resting place for her body, not for *her*, but I'm still dreading it.

I just feel blah. Drained. Tired of it all. Like I'm no good to anyone. Like they'd all be better off without having to deal with me. My rational mind knows that it isn't true, but my depression colors everything black. Dark. Dreary.

Just typing this out embarrasses me, but I'm not going to make it private. I need the accountability. Y'all (my friends, anyway) know that I won't actually act on these thoughts ~ because despite the depression, I am still rational ~ but I can't let this go on. I tried to call my doc today, but he's closed for Good Friday (not a good time to be depressive, I suppose!) so it will have to wait until Monday now. That's okay. I know T and Maddy will help me hang on until then.

If you have any bright thoughts ~ clear light ~ prayers ~ please send them my way. I need all the help I can get right now.

Peace ~ for all of us ~
Kim

It's been a month...

2007-03-21T00:57:00.000-05:00

...and I can hardly believe it. A whole month since Momma died, peacefully and quietly, with us holding her hands, and holding each other.

I finally moved some of the things back into my office/studio over the weekend. It's still not "done", but it no longer looks like a sick room. Strange, but I liked it better when it did. I guess that's just me wanting to hold on to the last little bits of Momma that I had here.

I haven't been able to go back to TN to move things yet, but I think I will go in another couple of weeks. (I have an important meeting that I can't miss on 3/30, and I don't want to be on a crazy time schedule, so I will wait until that's over before I go....) My darling SIL is waffling about whether or not she wants to move back home ~ part of her wants to hold on to her mom by staying there, I think, and part of her wants to move forward by moving back. When she's with us, she knows what she wants, it's when she's alone that the doubts come into play....

I've been battling a migraine for over 2 weeks now. I'm supposed to go back to the neurologist tomorrow, but I know he won't do anything except give me a shot, which will knock me out for a day, and when I wake up it will still hurt...this is the pattern. The spring weather is here, and the unsettled weather pattern makes my head ache like it's going to explode. I'm going on 27 months of headaches now, almost without a break. I keep hoping that something will change.....

Maddy's got a little cold. Just enough to make her miserable. She is breathing through her mouth and crying when she wakes. I kept her home today (thank God for her nurse!) and she seemed better during the day, but her fever spiked again as soon as bedtime rolled around. She's got Vicks on her chest, a humidifier going, and Mucinex on board ~ hope it all works and she's feeling better tomorrow!

I've not been around here as much as I like to be, and I'm feeling "out of touch". It seems that my parenting web site blew up again today, over what, I have no clue. I just wish everyone could treat each other gently. We really never know what another person is going through...and it's never a bad thing to give another the benefit of the doubt, is it? I must admit, there are a few people over the years who have bugged me, but when I look closely at the reasons why I am bothered, I usually find some part of myself mirrored in their posts. Surprise, surprise. Those that cause the biggest reactions in me are the ones I need to look closely at ~ to learn about myself.

Time for the midnight meds and diaper change.

She reached her goal...

2007-02-27T17:41:00.000-06:00

...and then some.

Momma came home last Friday (2/16). We made it through the weekend. She had lots of visitors over the weekend ~ old friends, mostly ~ and she was able to give us parting words. On Tuesday, 2/20, she had a visit from three of her oldest friends, and that seemed to be what she was waiting for. She went from talking animatedly, sitting up and "holding court", to lifeless and mottled and laboring to breathe ~ all in less than an hour. She died quietly, surrounded by her children, at a little after 10 PM.

It has been a whirlwind of activity since then. There were insurance "issues" (a sold company, trouble locating proof of her life insurance, and her own failure to keep her papers in order, mostly...) but I was finally able to file a claim on Friday (2/23). *shew* We had the visitation and graveside services yesterday (2/26). She has a beautiful resting place, with a view of the Trinity river, an old railroad trestle, and the Fort Worth skyline. I know she'd approve. The service was nice ~ we did it ourselves, and there wasn't a dry eye on the fake grass. Afterwards, everyone went to an excellent Mexican restaurant in the area and gorged, laughed, and talked for a couple of hours.

My SIL and my nephews left this morning. I miss them already ~ my house was full of people for weeks, and now it seems quiet! My SIL will be back to stay in a few months ~ no reason to stay in a little TN town now that her mom is gone ~ so I'm really looking forward to that.

I'll be going to TN in a few weeks to help wrap up Momma's affairs there. We've got to clean out her house, arrange for an estate sale, put the house on the market, etc. etc. etc. I'm planning on mid- to late March, right now, staying about a week. Dreading the drive, though...ugh. May have to look into flights and car-rental! I hate driving alone cross-country.

Seeing Momma in the casket was hard. Really hard. She didn't look like herself at all. I know that we rarely do once the soul is gone, but still...she just didn't look good. She actually looked better to me before they "fixed her up" ~ when she was bright yellow from liver failure and her belly was distended with ascites. I am already dreaming of her, though, and that gives me comfort.

I miss them all so much. I'm almost at a loss without a houseful of people! It's really funny ~ I just adjusted so quickly to everyone being here, needing things, and now I feel like I have so little to do. I wish they'd all come back!

Better run ~ Miss Maddy is calling me. She misses her cousins and her aunt Sissy, too! She is no longer used to Mommy using the computer, either...lol. I'm wondering if it's time for another break? Hmmmm...things to think about....

She's coming home...

2007-02-16T13:06:00.000-06:00

The ambulance to transport her should be at the hospital momentarily. This may be my last update for awhile, as the main computer is in her room.

Some notes from the last couple of days:

The party? Bombed. Maddy was extremely cranky and I wound up staying home with her ~ she did NOT want to go to the hospital. I sent everything with DH and when he arrived, Momma was out like a light. She didn't wake up until this morning, as far as I know! So, we'll try again this evening. The cake looks delicious ~ I hope it tastes as good as it looks.

Bedding for a hospital bed? Expensive! The hospice doesn't provide sheets, so I had to go buy extra-long sheet sets. I bought two, plus a blanket and a coverlet, and two pillows. I spent over $100, and that was with my 20% off coupon. Got the bed all made up for her and it looks really nice. It's very comfy, too ~ yes, I tested it! I wanted to be sure she'd be as comfortable as possible.

We have several friends and family members planning on coming by this weekend. I think that J will be coming sometime this weekend to cut Momma's hair. I'm about to go bake some cookies and mix up some snack mix, etc. so I can have snack stuff available to serve to our guests. The house is as ready as it can be...but I'm not.

I am dealing better today ~ I think the activity level of the last couple of days has helped. I'm too busy to be sad right now. "la de da ~ I will think about that tomorrow..."

Gotta run ~ cookies to be baked, dinner to plan and execute, and laundry to fold. I'll update again when I can. Thanks for keeping Momma (and me, and Sis, and Tee) in your thoughts and prayers....

Peace ~
Kim

As I suspected...

2007-02-15T00:16:00.000-06:00

...the doctor is not going to do anything about Momma's liver. So, she'll be yellow from now on. She actually looks quite ill now and sleeps a lot of the time. The hospital is having pain control issues. We've asked that she be allowed to come home tomorrow ~ it's her birthday. Hospice will be able to more accurately gauge and control her pain levels, we hope. (In my experience, anyway....)

We're going to have a birthday party tomorrow. Hats, homemade chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, candles, singing. The whole 63 years ~ er, 9 yards! I'm so thankful for getting to spend one more birthday with her. She brightens considerably when she thinks of her party.

Annie made it here this evening around 6 PM. Thank goodness! I'm glad she got here for tomorrow. I was worried about her travelling virtually all the way across the South, but she was fine. She encountered no significant weather and arrived in one piece. She's tired, and sad, and tired...well, you get the idea. I'm going to have to try and build in some pampering for my SIL, as well as Momma.

DH got out of work very early today (too cold to pave!) and likely will again tomorrow ~ so he's been with his mom all day. He got home around 9:30 PM tonight, which was relatively early.

An interesting note: DH's father and his wife sent flowers to Momma ~ I thought that was really kind. Unusual, but kind. The Colonel's wife is nothing if not genteel, you understand.

Unfortunately, Sissy, DH and I can't stand to smell them. There are lilies in the arrangement, along with a few roses. But those lilies! Oh my! So fragrant. So sweet. So aromatic. Usually, I like these flowers, but I find them completely repellant right now. Almost nauseating. (Dadgummed funerary associations....) I hope I will like lilies again...they were one of my favorite flowers....

I finally had a good, ugly, sneezing, streaming crying fit today. I'm still battling anger ~ since last night, actually ~ but I'm getting better for the time being. I think. I knew the anger was coming, but it didn't make it any easier to go through. I'm glad that everyone was out of the house today!

I prepared Momma's room today, and I did manage to do that in the full spirit of love and warmth that I want her to feel while she's here. Honestly? I think that's my best therapy right now ~ caretaking. Making lists. Cleaning. Oh, and writing down my feelings, even when seemingly inappropriate.

Grief is so awful.

My life feels pared-down. Very insignificant. Death ~ capital D ~ is such a final thing on this side of Heaven.

*later*

That's better. A good cry. My friend Lisa said that clean pain is easier to bear. I agree.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing Momma here tomorrow. I need to get Joe over to do her hair...maybe he can come on Friday. She's hoping to have company over the weekend ~ some old friends are coming to see her.

And so my own private therapy continues ~ lol ~ making plans, taking care of things, making lists...it's definitely how I deal. Also? Cleaning closets and drawers. Maddy's closet? Perfect. *shaky laughter*

Time for bed. I'll see y'all on the flip-side.

Peace (oh how I pray for peace...) ~
Kim

Momma update...

2007-02-13T19:38:00.000-06:00

She had her nerve block today, and it went quite well. She was actually hungry (for the first time in months!) afterwards, and was cracking jokes. Unfortunately, she is also extremely jaundiced ~ a new thing since yesterday. She said that the doc said something about doing another procedure to help with that, but I'm not sure if that's truly what happened, or if he said he could do it under other circumstances, but not these...maybe I'll know more on that tomorrow. Once again, I missed the MD visit. I swear, there is NO rhyme or reason to those visits ~ sometimes they come 1st thing in the morning, other times at 10 at night.

The hospice team asked that I be there at 9 AM tomorrow. Apparently once I make that meeting, it takes about 24 hours to get her home. SOOOOO...she may actually be here for her birthday on Thursday! : Not a done deal yet ~ but wow, what an answered prayer that would be. My SIL is leaving TN first thing tomorrow, and driving straight through ~ a 15 hour drive ~ so she should be here tomorrow night sometime.

DH is at the hospital now, and just called to say that Momma ate some (no doubt nasty, hospital) lasagna, plus drank a glass of iced tea! No salad, but WOW! She literally hasn't eaten a bite of solid food in over 2 weeks. HUGE milestone. Simply huge! I was crying happy tears.

Dying? Bites. Eating? Rocks. Weakness and incontinence? Sucks. Laughing and telling jokes? Simply marvelous. Liver failure? Yuck. Kissing my sweet Momma? The best! Dying? Sucks rocks. Living through another day? A miraculous thing....

Man, I love her.

Have a great night, y'all, and Happy (early) Valentine's Day!

Sunday Night

2007-02-12T00:23:00.000-06:00

Still waiting for Momma to come home.

She's really having trouble with pain. I wasn't at the hospital yesterday or today (major migraine for me, major poop problems for Maddy) so I missed the doctor's visit. Apparently, either tomorrow or Tuesday they will do some kind of "nerve block" to try to deaden the area around her stomach, so she can't feel the pain. Once she recovers from *that*, they'll let her come home. It always seems like "just one more thing" ~ I had high hopes that she'd come home tomorrow, but now it will be probably Wednesday or even Thursday. Her 63rd birthday is Thursday ~ I hope it's before then. We'd love to spend it here, as a family.

My SIL is coming back either Wednesday or Thursday to stay for the duration. I'm so glad ~ I know it will ease Momma's concern about being so far away from her daughter, and it will make it easier on T to have his sister here. I love her like my own, so I have no problems with her staying, either ~ especially since it's just her (no boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.).

I've got almost everything moved out of the office so Momma will have a place to stay. I ordered new curtains a couple of weeks ago (good timing!) that should be here in a few days. I don't know how often I'll be able to get to the computer once she comes home ~ we simply don't have anywhere else to hook it up, and I won't be able to bother her by turning it on. I do have the laptop, of course, but our connection is sporadic, so don't worry if I'm not around for days at a time.

I think I said earlier, Maddy is having constipation issues again. It just breaks my heart to have to manually remove impacted stool. She hates it, and so do I. Once I got it out, she pooped a few times on her own. Hoping that she's all better tomorrow, or else she'll miss another school day. Not good! She's sleeping really well right now. Little sweetheart. She makes every day so sunny, even when it's cold and dreary outside! As soon as I quit messing with her this morning, she turned to me, gave me a great big smile, and threw her arms around my neck. I think it was "thank you!" lol Of course, I dont know if she was thanking me for doing it, or thanking me for stopping.

Just about time for that last diaper change and then time to hit the sack. Y'all have a great week and I'll update when I can!

Other mother update...

2007-02-09T01:06:00.000-06:00

Momma's not home with us yet ~ but maybe by Monday.

She had a minor procedure today to place a stent in her pyloric valve. This evening, she was able to eat (and keep down!) a bite of jello, some iced tea, and some chicken broth. Tomorrow, they'll try soft foods. If she tolerates those for a couple of days, she can come home on hospice.

I'm having great difficulties sleeping. My anxiety level is through the roof today. I think it's because my SIL is leaving tomorrow (she has to go home to TN and take care of some things before coming back for the duration) and I am so worried that she won't make it back before her mom dies. Watching them say goodbye tomorrow will break my heart ~ I just know it.

DH was really having a hard time with displaced anger tonight. He didn't get home from the hospital until about 9:30, and came in ranting and raving about traffic. He *never* yells or gets upset over small things, so this is completely unlike him. I tried to give him a hug and he shrugged me off. I know that he isn't angry at me ~ it's this whole situation ~ but it's still hard not to take it personally when it's directed at me or around me. Still painful. Before I tucked him in, he apologized and gave me a hug and a kiss, so it's okay now...but I know that there will be more to come. He hasn't even cried once ~ he's a long way from accepting the inevitable. He's under such stress ~ I just wish I knew the "magic words" to help him.

Momma was a little disoriented after the surgery, of course ~ the anesthesia was hard on her, as was being intubated. She spent over 5 hours in the recovery room. I had to leave before she got out ~ Maddy was coming home from school. Tomorrow, I'll go to the hospital after school is out, and take Maddy with me so she can see Granny for a bit. I'm looking forward to getting her home ~ then we won't have to spend so much time in the car going back and forth. It will make it a little easier to help her *and* manage the house.

The good news? My headache level is down to a 3-4. I could live like this for the rest of my life! lol Small blessings....

Okay, it's 1:10 in the morning. Guess I'll try to sleep again.

Bad news for my family...

2007-02-06T08:31:00.000-06:00

My beautiful, fiesty, kind, sweet, fun MIL has pancreatic cancer.

Inoperable. She'll likely come here (to our house) for hospice care ~ if she makes it out of the hospital.

I am so sad. She's only 62 years old ~ we were hoping for more years with her. More time. We'll have to make the most of what we have left....

Today, they are going to attempt a stent in the pyloric valve of her stomach, to hold it open so she can eat by mouth. (The tumor on her pancreas is so large that it's putting pressure on her lower stomach and closing off the valve ~ so nothing can pass though her stomach.)

Additional complications include a clot in the major vessel leading to her liver, along with potential mets to her kidneys, lung and liver. Renal insufficiency. She's malnourished and dehydrated.

And still, she's laughing and cracking jokes and making us all smile.

I love her so very much. She's been a part of my life for almost half my life ~ I met her son (and, of course, J) when I was 20 years old. She's been a guiding force for me ~ a strong, capable woman who never lets anything get her down. She'll face the end of this life with grace and dignity, as she's handled virtually everything else that life has thrown at her...I have no doubt.

I'm so honored that she wants to come to our house for hospice. So honored to be able to care for her in her last days. I pray that she makes it here ~ she so wants to die "at home" instead of in the hospital ~ and I so want to give her that gift. To return to her a tiny little bit of the love and care that she's shown others by helping her make this transition.

I kept Maddy home today ~ we're going to the hospital in a few minutes to see Granny and wait for the results of the procedure. We'll meet with the hospice team, and the care team at the hospital. Get things set up here at our house. Hoping to have her home in a few days to a week....

I refuse to miss her until she is actually gone ~ and her spirit is so strong that you can't help but bask in it while you are sitting with her ~ so I just have to fight the despair when I am alone.

Prayers and good thoughts for Jan are much appreciated ~ she could use an easy transition from this life, and that's what we're all praying for. Less pain, more laughter. Less medical intervention and more sharing stories.

I love you, Momma.

The HPV vaccine law in Texas.

2007-02-03T05:01:00.000-06:00

*begin rant*

I'm really stunned ~ Gov. Rick Perry has a reputation as a conservative, anti-abortion, "family values" Republican. (In case you haven't heard ~ Perry singlehandedly signed a bill that makes it LAW that all girls in Texas, at age 11/entering 6th grade, must be vaccinated for HPV.)

What is he thinking?
First, he bypassed the Legislature ~ that's just plain wrong. Yes, he's elected at large, but he's only one man ~ and all this is a brand new vaccine in the US! Why does *he* get to decide for all of our daughters? How about making it voluntary? Maybe even up that to "recommended"? Let some adults take it, see what happens...maybe in a few years, we'll have enough information to know how it works in the long-term.

Second, that he received campaign funds ($6000, according to the local news last night) from Merck, the company that manufactures the vaccine. That just taints his decision for me, even if it *may* be in the best interest of the young women in the long run. IMHO, it should be illegal for an elected official to take money from businesses and then make laws that favor those businesses. Call me crazy...but I thought WE elected the officials, and that they should listen to what WE want ~ not what is best for Merck, or any other business. He sure didn't ask me what I thought about this new law ~ neither did he ask my elected representative.

Third, the AGE of the girls just stuns me. 6th grade? 11 year old children? Many girls that age won't have even entered puberty yet! I think this is what gets me most of all. It affects my child this year. She turns 11 in November. According to the new law, I will have to have her vaccinated for HPV this fall. She has multiple special needs, has no idea what vaccines are for, will never even be able to ask me a question about sex or STDs, and won't ever be able to understand an explanation, even were I to give it to her ~ yet if I, as her parent, choose not to vaccinate her, I'm sure I will have to go through a bunch of red tape to prove why she shouldn't have to have it ~ and even then, I may not be able to have it deferred, if it's as difficult as the other vaccines. I won't lie on a form that it's against my religion to vaccinate, so I will likely have to go through with it regardless of how I feel. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

(As an aside: I actually pitched a little fit last week at pre-op, when the staff at the children's hospital wanted to draw blood to perform a pregnancy test on my 10 year old. Mainly because she's a tough "stick" and it seemed silly to me to go through with it ~ but I was more than a little annoyed that a child that age is automatically assumed to be sexually active ~ or, I suppose, a victim of sexual abuse. What has our world come to? When I was 10, I barely knew the facts of life ~ I certainly didn't need a pregnancy test or a vaccine for HPV.) (Oh my gosh, that makes me sound old ~ lol ~ I'm not, I was just raised in a very protected environment. My parents actually monitored/restricted my television habits, took me to church three times per week, and *gasp* talked to me when I had questions about things!)

What's next? Mandatory GYN exams within 30 days of your first period? At least that would make *some* sense ~ the young woman could speak with an expert about STDs and birth control at a time when she actually may need it!

I just heard about the link between HPV and cancer a few months ago, and only heard about the vaccine a few weeks ago! My annual OB/GYN visit usually happens in April. I'll be talking to my doctor about the vaccine, the potential side effects, etc. at that time ~ but I am a 38 year old woman. I have a specialist to speak with this about. My daughter is a child. She does not. I'm just not comfortable with her pediatrician advising us on this.

I'm definitely writing a letter to Gov. Perry about my feelings. I hope that any other Texas moms who feel the same way will do so, as well ~ perhaps he'll see the error of his ways.

/rant

Things could definitely be worse....

2007-01-28T01:34:00.000-06:00

...and I know that, but I'm still a little down about it all right now. Part of it is this crazy weather! One minute, it's 60+ and humid, the next, it's 38 and sunny...wait a little while and it's overcast and cold. Ugh. Too much change. Too much being cooped up inside. Bleah.

MIL is slowly improving, but verrrrrryyyyyy slowly. Right now, we're thinking she'll have a minimum of 2-3 additional weeks in the hospital. Her liver values are still poor, kidney function is poor, and her fluid levels bounce around by 20 pounds, plus or minus, on any given day. The blood clot in her left leg seems to be resolving itself, so that's one piece of good news. She's down. Flat. Tired. Malnourished. They're having trouble with the TPN ~ keeping her protein high enough while not screwing up her potassium by drawing off too much fluid at once. It's a balancing act. SIL is a nervous wreck. We're sending DH to Tennessee to see them Thursday. My SIL needs a hug from her brother, and my MIL needs a will to fight more ~ we're all hoping that he'll deliver. I wish Maddy and I could go, too ~ I know that M. would help her so much. He'll be back on Sunday morning, early. (Thank goodness! We have a Super Bowl party at our house on Sunday afternoon. I hope I can get everything done without him here to help.)

My head still hurts. One week and one day ~ so far ~ this time. No breaks. No relief at all. I saw a couple of new docs this week, neither of whom had much to offer in the way of help. One was a DO. He wants me to go see another DO for "nutritional supplements" and some kind of skull bone realignment? I don't know. Sounds like quackery to me (no offense to any DOs out there...I've had a PCP who was a DO, and I loved her ~ but she wasn't soooo out there). I'm not big on non-FDA approved supplements ~ call me superstitious ~ but I'm about willing to try anything at this point. The skull bone massage thing sounds interesting, anyway, and he promised it is nothing like chiropractic treatment ~ he swears it doesn't hurt at all. (I've got enough pain without the treatments hurting me more!) Heck, I've already had "laying on of hands" (my mom's church) and tried Native American prayers (MIL), plus "crystal healing" (SIL's friend) and every traditional freaking drug under the sun. What's one more alternative treatment?

Maddy had a pretty decent week, save a barking cough and irritation with the eye drops and ointment. When I got her up this morning and put the drops in her eyes, she immediately socked me in *my* eye (ouch!), frowned at me, turned her head away, and would have nothing to do with me for an hour. DH is so rough with her when he puts the stuff in that she screams ~ so I get stuck doing it. She squirms and complains, but at least I don't leave red marks on her face. I hate making her mad at me first thing in the morning. She didn't even show me a small smile until after lunch.

She was out by 8:30 tonight, so I'm sure she'll be up early tomorrow. It's chilly tonight~ 35 degrees ~ but it's supposed to be sunny and pretty tomorrow. Maybe we'll go for a walk if her cough is gone and the wind has calmed down. DH can stay in if he wants, but I think Maddy and I could both use a change of scenery!

My prayer for tonight is that I have the strength to do the things I need to do, regardless of the migraine...and that Maddy begins to understand that eye medicine is a daily part of her life now, just like baths and diaper changes.

Peace out, y'all ~ have a wonderful Sunday. See you when I can....

Maddy update...

2007-01-24T18:15:00.000-06:00

The eye exam went great. She went right out for them, and was under for about 20 minutes while the doctor did a thorough eye exam. His diagnosis? She is only *slightly* near-sighted and DOES NOT need glasses to correct her vision! Woohoo! This is excellent news, as I was dreading trying to get her to keep her new glasses on ~ such a nightmare that is. She's broken several pairs over the years, and now we know why ~ she didn't really need them! He is concerned about a couple of areas of dryness in her eyes, so we've now got a prescription for eyedrops and an ointment for nighttime. She can't close her eyes all the way (due to the ptosis correction) and apparently, this can cause dryness and scarring. Would have been nice to know this 8 years ago when she had the procedure! grrrrrr I'm just glad we found a new doctor ~ one that is better at what he's doing than the old one.

She's still got a little cough, but her bottom issues are all better now. She finally went back to school today ~ she was thrilled to be there, let me tell you. She got home, had a bath, and was so worn out that she immediately took a nap. Sweet kiddo.

My MIL is slowly improving. Still in the hospital. No news is good news, at this point.

Me? Well, I am having a hard week. My head has been splitting without a break since last Friday, and my back/neck are absolutely killing me. Doing pre-op on Monday definitely didn't help.

Almost time for dinner ~ better run and get Miss Maddy's ready. Y'all have a good week! See you when I can....

Sick of poop...

2007-01-19T02:03:00.000-06:00

...just SICK of it!

Poor Maddy. She's been feeling ill all week. We switched her to Ensure at the direction of the nutritionist at the GI doc's office, and it did not go well for my peanut. She's had non-stop poop since we made the change. We switched back to Pediasure today. FINALLY the poop seemed to solidify and slow down. Her little bottom is red, she's cranky, and to top it all off, she has a cold. Snotty nose (although it is clear so far!) and a little PND/cough. Probably viral, sez the ped, so no treatments needed, other than Mucinex w/cough medicine, Vicks Vapo-Rub, and the "humuggifier".

My MIL is still quite ill. She had a biopsy on Tuesday. Results? No cancer! Woohoo!!! However, she does have liver failure, renal (kidney) failure, and earlier today developed a blood clot in her left leg. They've got her on total bedrest, TPN (IV nutrition), tons of diuretics (to draw off the fluid build-up) and are actually talking about the possibility of a liver transplant. We're not "day to day" with her right now ~ still talking months to a year, with medical treatment, but the clot increases her vulnerability. I'm quite concerned about her, and about my SIL, who is in charge of everything (and getting quite run-down by it all, I think.)

DH is (finally) going to the dentist tomorrow. I've been nagging him to do this for about two years :: but the giant swelling in his left cheek finally convinced him. What is it with men and doctors/dentists?!? If I skipped appointments like he does, he'd be all over my case about it ~ but it practically takes an act of Congress to get him there. *sigh* Oh well, at least he's going!

We've had several days of icy conditions here this week, and they are forecasting more for the weekend. I'm planning on running to the store in the morning, and then hunkering down with my family until it warms back up on Monday. Maddy has her pre-op appointment Monday morning, and her eye exam on Tuesday, so I just hope it's all cleared up by then. (Both the weather and her little upper respiratory thing!) If she's still snotty and coughing, we'll have to reschedule. Not zesty.

Time to try to sleep for a bit before the morning rush starts. Y'all have a happy Friday!

What a week!

2007-01-15T00:14:00.000-06:00

We had a week full of appointments this past week, which is always interesting. Learned something about Maddy's new wheelchair ~ it won't fit in my car! Kid you not ~ even if I take it completely apart and fold it up, it won't go unless I put it in the passenger seat! Oh my. Fortunately, her nurse is an absolute sweetheart, and let us use her car to transport Maddy to her appointments...wheelchair and all.

We had the cardiology appointment first. That was on Tuesday morning. Did the EKG, blood pressure check, and weight check (42.5#!) and then moved into another room for the echo of her heart. All looks about the same as last year, no news is good news, and they'll see us in...get this!...TWO years! Woohoo! That's a first. We used to have to go monthly. Then quarterly, semi-annually, and annually. Now it's bi-annually. I'm thrilled. Over the moon. Of course, the doc made it clear that part of the reasoning behind moving the appointments apart is that Maddy now has a nurse who checks her bp and listens to her heart five days per week, but whatever...I'll take it! lol

Thursday, we had the gastroenterology appointment. This one didn't go so well. We measured her at 46.5 inches tall, and she weighed the same (42.5#), both of which are good. She looks proportionate. *But* her constipation issues are not good. Of course, we knew this ~ that's why we went in! We've been giving 2 capfuls of Miralax for two days now, hoping to clean her out...and nothing much is happening. Poor kiddo. She's been miserable. We were supposed to go for an x-ray on Friday, but I was so sick I couldn't take her (fever of 102, chills, running to the bathroom ~ caught something at one of the appointments, I'm sure) and then we got iced in over the weekend. It's actually sleeting right now, so tomorrow is probably out for the x-ray, too. Hoping we'll get there on Tuesday ~ and then we'll know if the clean out worked. Of course, while she's battling the tummy issues, she also managed to get a fever (101, no other symptoms) that lasted for about 12 hours.

Meanwhile, my MIL has been hospitalized again. This time, she has fluid collecting in her abdomen, and they needed to draw it off. (It's been sent to pathology so they can check for abnormal cells.) They did a CAT scan and found "lesions" on her liver, kidneys, and her right lung. She'll have an MRI tomorrow, now that 2.5L of fluid are out. We're really worried. She is still fighting mono, and she had major surgery around T'giving for gallbladder issues. She really hasn't been well since she was here last January. She doesn't take care of herself at all, and now she is out of STD and PTO at work ~ so no income. I could kill her for scrimping on the LTD benefits ~ it would've been less than $2 per paycheck, and she just never signed up for it ~ and her insurance will only continue if she can pay the COBRA payment. Fortunately, my SIL is moving in with her to help with her household bills...we'll send cash as we can to help out.

What a week. This weekend? Nada. Didn't do a thing but cozy up to the fire, watch football, and hold and comfort Maddy. Lovely. I love bad weather when no one has to get out in it.

School is out tomorrow for MLK day, and it isn't supposed to get above freezing until Tuesday, so I doubt DH will have to go out, either. The nurse probably won't make it tomorrow (she lives further NW than we do, and in the country ~ I hope she stays home if the roads are bad!), so we'll spend another day just hanging out at home. Fortunately, DH and I are feeling a little better today, so not so much grumbling when something needs handled.

Maddy's pre-op appointment is scheduled for next Monday, and her eye exam (only! no one else wanted in on this anesthesia!) will be 1/23 sometime.

So, if you don't see me around, I'm cleaning up massive amounts of poop...or battling another migraine...or coughing my head off...or maybe all of the above. I'll update when I can!

Stupid Cowboys.

2007-01-07T00:09:00.000-06:00

They LOST!

*grrrrrrr*

Ah well, after how the season started, and how it ended, we were lucky to even be in the Wild Card. Still ~ what a heartbreaker of a loss. I wonder if Tony Romo will ever recover from it?!? The last few minutes of the 4th quarter were just a comedy of errors. Stupid mistakes made by everyone! Of course, DH kept giving me a big ol' "I told you so!" all through the game, but I am a die-hard fan ~ I was just sure that they would pull it out and win. All we needed was a field goal ~ automatic, right?!? Wrong! Bitter tears were cried in my family room tonight. Bitter, bitter tears.

I don't know who I'm pulling for now ~ DH is all about the Colts (he has a serious "man crush" on Peyton Manning, who went to UT, which is where DH went) but I want to back a sure-thing now that my 'Boys are out of it. Any suggestions, football loving people out there? And sorry, I won't pull for any rivals ~ so no NFC East teams need apply.

Maddy enjoyed the first half of the game, then fell asleep in Daddy's lap. Little munchkin does NOT do night time football, people! Football is for Sunday afternoons ~ didn't you know that?!? lol I know, sweetie ~ but Mommy can't make the schedule, and trust me, I won't ever be watching a replay of THAT game! lol I already deleted it from the DVR.

Time to do the late night change, then hit the sack. Have a happy Sunday, y'all.

The Poop Wars...

2007-01-05T00:38:00.000-06:00

I'm in the trenches, let me tell you! If you're eating breakfast, skip this blog.

Miss Maddy was up at 2:30 Thursday night, screaming her poor little head off. I tried positioning her for poop, rubbing her tummy, and nothing. Nada. Zip. She finally passed a little bit of (very stinky) gas around 4:00 and collapsed into an uneasy sleep. I mixed up some Miralax and gave it to her while she slept, then went back to bed to try to rest for a couple of hours. My head was killing me ~ like a 7-8 ~ by this point, but I'm out of the "good meds" for the month, so no more until the 15th for me. Anyway, that's neither here nor there ~ it just made dealing with the screaming a little more difficult than usual. (Okay, a LOT more difficult!) DH got up at 5, just as I was finally drifting off. His alarms (all FOUR of them! ACK!) woke me right up, but he managed to sleep through them just fine. lol I got him up with coffee at 5:15. Figured I might as well, since I was awake, anyway! lol

The rain had stopped, so he went ahead to work. I figured he'd probably have a pretty short day (I was right ~ he was home by 2:00). I went back down for an hour or so, then got up to check Maddy when I heard her stirring at about 7. Still no poop, but she was in a better mood.

Her nurse arrived for the day at 7:45 (traffic was a mess from the earlier rain) and she decided to try to manually remove the poop ~ it was visible, but hard as a rock, and apparently stuck in M's rectum. Poor babycakes ~ I helped with the holding and comforting of the poor child while Ms. D gloved up and went to work. It took about 20 minutes to remove some severely impacted poop from my daughterling. As soon as the first chunk was out, she was fine with it ~ I think it felt good to get it out of there! The rest of the day was spent cleaning multiple poopy diapers, doing tons of laundry, and comforting Maddy. I did get a short nap in around lunchtime ~ Maddy took a nap, so I did, too. LOVE having a nurse ~ LOVE it! (I used to be the one who did the manual poop removal ~ alone ~ AND do all the comforting/cleaning/washing/bathing afterwards AND I never got to sleep unless M was at school! lol)

I think we went through about 30 diapers today ~ no kidding ~ and there's probably more in there. I did call the GI doc's office this morning, and we have an appointment next Thursday. I'm figuring they'll probably take advantage of Maddy's anesthesia and do a GI series while she's out ~ I would sure love to know why we're suddenly having so much trouble with constipation ~ it used to be a very rare event, now it's almost constant. I live in dread fear of another bowl obstruction ~ the last one, quite literally, almost killed my child. She was hospitalized for a month in the ICU. I try not to remember those days, but I can't help it when she keeps having these episodes weekly. Nothing has changed in her diet (except that we've added prune juice to increase the fiber content!) and her weight gain/growth rate has been appropriate ~ she's just suddenly having lots of difficulty with BMs. Gotta get to the bottom of it. (Pun intended...lol...gotta laugh at this stuff or I'll cry!)

Oh, one other thing I managed today ~ Buddy (the bad little black dachshund) had 4 ~ count 'em, 4!!! ~ baths. Muddy back yard + black dog who couldn't care less about wet feet, belly, and ears = nasty, smelly, mud-covered pup! lol

Needless to say, the garage looks exactly as it did on Monday. I am beginning to wonder if my 14 day goal of a garage I can park my car inside was realistic, especially given all of the appointments we suddenly have for Maddy. lol Maybe I can work on it tomorrow ~ since M. was feeling so much better tonight, she is definitely going to school on Friday.

Time to check for the 12:30 diaper now ~ have a great Friday, and if I don't check in again, have a great weekend!

Since I'm awake...

2007-01-04T00:54:00.000-06:00

...figured I'd do a quick update.

Maddy's next eye appointment is scheduled for 1/23 ~ it'll be under general anesthesia, so tomorrow, I will be calling the ENT, GI, and dentist, to see if they all want to take advantage of a sleeping child for checkups. She has to see the cardiologist for clearance before the GA, so that appointment is set for Tuesday, 1/9. I pray everything will be as it has been every other year so far...I hate the cardio appointments, especially since we're getting yet another new one. *sigh* We had two doctors in 9 years, now we've had 2 in 1 year. At least I've met this one before ~ she was one of the "on call" docs when Maddy was in the PICU a few years ago, and I really liked her then, so I'm sure I'll like her now.

Miss M. is supposed to go back to school tomorrow, but I'm not sure if she'll be ready to go or not. She hasn't had a BM in a couple of days now (we've been using prune juice to attempt to regulate her BMs without Miralax) and she was extremely grumpy and out of sorts this evening. She finally crashed at around 10, which is a good 2.5 hours later than her normal bedtime, and is sleeping comfortably. I just changed her, and her urine is normal ~ but still no poop. *sigh* If she hasn't had a BM by 7 AM, it'll be Miralax and staying home, waiting on it to work, tomorrow.

I found the absolute coolest stickers on the dollar aisle at Target the other day ~ little purple jewels, meant for your cell phone. (90 jewels for $1!) Since she doesn't carry a cell phone, I put a bunch of "bling" on the Princess's Chariot (her new wheelchair), and it looks really neat. She loved it when I showed her yesterday. Too cute. Those little jewels were a PITA, but the end result was worth it, I think. I bet most of them are gone within a couple of weeks, but it was still fun, and worth $1.

It's currently pouring down rain, and 45 degrees. It actually feels like a little bit of winter again ~ after a couple of days with highs in the upper 60's, I'm ready for some chill in the air. I wonder if DH will have to work tomorrow, or if they'll get called off because of the rain? We'll see...at around 6 AM! lol

Unpacking and putting away in the garage ground to a halt today ~ my headache was at a 7-8 this morning (with the approaching front) and I had to take major meds to kick it back down to a 2-3, where it has stayed. I can handle a 2-3...the pain is just enough to annoy me and make me wear sunglasses in the dark house. lol Oh, and I have the absolutely LOVELY light show, even when I close my eyes. That bugs me.

Boring life = boring blog. But at least I'm here to write about something, right?

Happy Thursday, y'all!

Maddy's eye appointment...

2007-01-02T19:42:00.000-06:00

...was today, and it was completely inconclusive. *sigh*

LOVED the new eye doc. He's young, sweet, and didn't speak down to my girl. She smiled and flirted with him, but got irritated when he kept shining that light in her eyes after her pupils were dilated. Yeah, that would annoy me, too, babycakes. He couldn't really tell if her prescription is accurate or not, so tomorrow we'll be scheduling an exam under general anesthesia. Ugh. Poor kiddo ~ I'll definitely try to get the ENT and dentist in there at the same time...maybe we can do all that stuff at once and be done with GA for awhile. :

He did say that he doubts her current glasses are helping her at all, since she refuses to wear them. Even better, he wrote a note explaining that to the school! So, she's "glasses free" until we get an updated pair. Woohoo! I love her glasses, but I'll love them even more when they actually help her to see. She really does look cute in them. She's already warped her new frames (less than 6 months old) so badly that he was appalled. She really enjoys pulling them off, swinging them around by the strap, and then throwing them on the floor. Bonus points if she can throw them under the moving wheelchair, of course! (She's a wee bit stubborn when she wants to be ~ wonder where she gets that?)

We were in and out in under two hours, which is a record for an eye appointment. Did I mention how much I love this new doc?

Oops ~ she's fussing. Back later to finish this up.

Happy New Year ~ 2007!

2007-01-01T17:33:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's 2007!

DH and I were talking on Saturday about a show we had on (some kind of '80's retrospective) and he was questioning why they chose the particular commenters. I told him that those people were all our age or older, and that's why they were chosen! lol Then I reminded him that there are people of legal drinking age (21) who were not even born yet in 1983 ~ and he swatted my behind! lol Of course, this year marks us being able to say that there are people legally drinking who weren't born when we graduated from high school....lol!!! I don't feel older, really ~ I feel like the same person I've always been ~ but there are definitely some things that hammer home the aging, and this show is one of them. We're both turning 39 this year....it sounds so "grown up"! So why don't I feel like an adult?!?! lol

2006 was a year of serious changes. Bad health issues for me and DH. Financial difficulties. Major stressors, including changing jobs (twice) and moving. I'm thankful to see it recede in the distance, honestly. I pray that 2007 is a better year for us ~ and if not all that much better, at least uneventful!

We started out with a whimper, as usual. We rarely drink, so we've never been much for NYE parties. I always feel safer at home on NYE ~ away from all the "once a year partiers". Personally, if I'm going to risk my life on the freeways with a bunch of drunken people, I'd much rather deal with the every-weekend drinkers than the once-per-year drinkers ~ at least the daily drunks have more experience with navigating a vehicle while sloshed. (Of course, I'd rather that NO ONE drink and drive!)

We took down our tree, packed the decorations, and put everything up in the attic. I've been piddling around all day today, hanging a picture here, putting away a box there ~ but nothing major. Our black eyed peas are simmering on the stove, waiting for New Year's Day dinner. Gotta have some luck!

Maddy's nurse came today, and we totally took advantage of her. We both took a nap! lol I love having her here ~ she's really awesome, and funny, and loves Maddy to pieces. It's cool to have an additional responsible adult available to help out.

Tomorrow, I'm taking Maddy to the eye doctor for a checkup. She's been taking her glasses off again, so it's probably time for a new prescription. Oh joy. Since the federal offices are all closed, and we haven't had a mail delivery (or pick up!) since last Thursday (what's up with that?!?) I don't have her new medicaid card. Guess I'll have to pay the co-pay for tomorrow. At least it's only $35 ~ could be worse ~ and I'll wait for the card to arrive before I buy new glasses again. She goes back to school on Thursday. Poor punkin ~ her schedule will be allllll fouled up this coming weekend. School for two days, off for two days, then back to a regular routine. I think they should have let them stay out until the 8th, but what do I know?

It's almost 6 ~ better go finish up dinner prep and get those peas plated! Y'all have a blessed New Year!

Maddy's Make-A-Wish...

2006-12-15T01:58:00.000-06:00

I just realized that I never wrote about this! Call me brain-damaged...sorry, y'all! We're still unpacking here, and then the Holidaze snuck up on me...I just haven't been keeping up with my blog at all.

Maddy's 10th birthday was Wednesday, 11/22. The following Wednesday, 11/29, the MAW Wish Granters arrived at about 4 PM, just as Maddy was getting off the bus. The Big Day had arrived. We'd been telling Maddy all week that she had a really BIG surprise coming, but we didn't tell her what (mainly because we didn't really know! lol We knew it was a TV, but that was ALL we knew.) When the ladies came in (I'll call them J & S), they had a large bag in hand. We opened it together and it was a flower-shaped pillow, a Little Mermaid blanket, a pink fleece nightgown, and some cozy socks with Ariel on them. J & S told Maddy that these items went with her Wish.

About 15 minutes later, the doorbell rang, and in walked two gentlemen from Starpower. SP is a local home theater place ~ they were absolutely awesome. They do "home theater to the stars" in the area...people like Cowboys and Rangers players, the extremely wealthy, etc. (The kind of people who have movie-theater seating in a separate room...the kind of people that live a really luxurious lifestyle, compared to ours ~ we'd never even walk into SP, unless we won the Lottery! lol) They brought in a large TV stand and started assembling it. (An aside ~ we got to talking to one of the installers, who told us about his son, who has arthrogryposis and is in a wheelchair! J & S made a MAW referral for him right there...so his son will be receiving a Wish, too!)

After about 30 minutes of that, they carried in Maddy's Wish ~ a big screen television! It's 61" and is a high definition, rear projection TV. There are a bunch of other letters, too, of course, but I have no idea what they mean. The installers got it all hooked up, showed us how to operate the thing, and left. The Wish Granters stayed a little while and watched some television with Maddy ~ who was in absolute AWE. She loves her new TV. No more glasses to mess with when she's playing at home! She can see the screen without them! Her shows on Noggin are so cool, now ~ and she gets to watch her DVDs on what seems like a movie theater sized screen. It's simply amazing.

I cried. DH teared up. Maddy laughed. I am forever grateful to Make-A-Wish for making this happen for our little peanut. This is something that she can enjoy in her own house, no matter what the weather, and she can enjoy it for as long as she lives. Now I'm tearing up again. *sniff* It was hugely expensive ~ something that we never would have been able to do for her ourselves. I am forever grateful to the owner of Starpower for the discounts that he gives to MAW to help offset the costs, and to everyone who supports our local MAW chapters. They are all angels on earth. Our Wish Granters are such awesome ladies ~ they've both called to check and see how she likes it in recent weeks.

So, there you go. Maddy's Wish was granted, and it was a huge blessing for her, and for us. When she goes to bed, we get to watch our "grownup" shows on the DVR in Hi Def. We've watched the Little Mermaid at least a dozen times in the last few weeks (maye more...) and she loves it more each time. Her favorite part, though, is watching the Cowboys with Daddy and Mommy. We snuggle up together on the couch (or with Daddy in his recliner) and cheer and holler at the 'Boys, and she just laughs and shrieks along. Too fun. What great memories we're making there ~ brings back some of my favorite Sunday afternoons with my family growing up. All that's lacking, really, is her ability to learn to catch a spiral pass in the backyard after the game. We're hoping that will come someday....

So, there's the Make A Wish update. Thanks for reading.

I've been contemplating...

2006-12-14T00:46:00.000-06:00

...our lives. We're coming up on the one year anniversary of T's car accident (it's this Friday, the 15th of December), and it seems that so much has changed in that short time. T's had two jobs, a lengthy hospital stay, and life-altering injuries and surgery. Maddy had the chicken pox. We actually had to accept the charity of others to keep body and soul together for awhile. (Humbling, to say the least!) We've moved out of our first "real" home and into another one ~ one that we love. M finally got to the top of the waiver program list *and* is actually receiving services. My sister moved ~ again. My MIL (who has always had excellent health) is suddenly sickly. My migraines? Never change ~ they are still the same as they have been for about, what ~ 2 years now? (Good grief!) My dad, who is usually sick all the time, is suddenly quite well. My best friend (other than my DH, of course!) got divorced and then went back to school. Maddy has a nurse F/T. My CdLS family lost 4 people this year. My blood family lost 1, which isn't too terrible, considering....

It's just odd. It seems that most years go by and I don't really notice the changes, or they are so small that they are assimilated quickly and easily into our lives. Then suddenly, in one 12 month period, it seems that virtually everything changed...all at once. I'm not complaining. We love the new house, T loves his new job, the nursing and other services provided by M's waiver are absolutely wonderful. The Make-A-Wish Maddy received was beyond anything we could ever have dreamed of for her...a truly once-in-a-lifetime gift.

From now until the end of the year, I have a feeling that I'll be reflecting quietly, in my heart, about what this year has meant to us. What we've learned. How we've changed. What it all means to us, for our future...for our little corner of the world.

I feel peace. It's a beautiful week. We have food in the pantry. There are gifts to be wrapped, and songs to be sung. My husband and my daughter are healthy and alive. It's more than enough. I love my life.

Thank you, God, for the blessings you've bestowed on my family this year. The gifts, the lessons, the hurt and the pain, the resolution of it all into this gorgeous season...this time of peace and joy and love.

(Off to address some more cards now....)

Turn around, bright eyes...

2006-12-04T22:37:00.000-06:00

Man, you turn around for just a second, and suddenly it's December. The 4th, even. And there are 20 days until Christmas Eve. AND you have only ONE present under your tree.

*gulp*

At least the tree is up. Count my blessings, right? Considering that it's only been a month since we moved to the new place, I think I deserve huge kudos for that. Of course, looking around at the office, I can't really see the floor yet...and don't EVEN open the garage door (no, my car won't fit there yet...) but look! The tree is so pretty and sparkly! Aren't you distracted by the wondrous beauty? I am!

Maddy had an absolutely incredible birthday week. We celebrated on her actual birthday with cake and presents from Mom and Dad. The next day was Thanksgiving, so we went to Aunt Kris and Uncle Philip's house, and had...more cake and presents! We visited Aunt Retta and Uncle Gary, and Maddy ate about 5 bites of French Silk pie. Yummy! Then, last Wednesday (exactly one week after her birthday), the Make A Wish people came with a huge television for her. It's unbelieveably large ~ a 61" rear projection HDTV. It feels like we have a movie screen in our living room. I cried, she laughed, her daddy cried...very emotional. Then, on Friday, she got her new wheelchair. This thing is a Navigator of all wheelchairs. I mean it. It has ligh-up front wheels, her name is embroidered on it, it has the baddest bike-style handles for Mom and Dad, and has an especially designed honeycomb seat. She loves it. The butterfly wheelcovers should be here on Friday. (They didn't want to hold up delivery for them, so they brought it without 'em.) Unfortunately, it's so large that it won't fit in my car. *gulp* I foresee a car payment in my future....

So, we've had a fantastic couple of weeks. And now, we're talking up the Big Guy in the Red Suit (no, T doesn't own a red suit!) and planning on shopping like crazy people in the next couple of weeks. I cannot believe that Christmas is already here. It just doesn't seem possible. We're 10 days from the 1st anniversary of T's major accident, and so much has changed. We've moved, we have a new dog, Maddy is 10, and life? Seems impossibly wonderful. Full of joy. I don't know if it's the drugs talking (yes, I take an anti-anxiety pill every. single. day), or what, but I'll take it, thank yew very much.

For now, it's time to go and watch Studio 60, take a long shower, then change my Big Girl's diaper and head to bed. Blessings on you ~ and thanks for stopping by my blog.

Kim

The Empress

2006-11-11T23:29:00.000-06:00

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Moving bites the big one

2006-11-04T22:33:00.000-06:00

I'm not kidding. We've lived here for over 9 years, and we have way. too. much. crap.

I've been packing for two weeks, but it's the last-minute stuff that's killing me. The kitchen ~ oh Lord, help me! The office. Gah! The computer cabinet (thank you, T!). The bedrooms. And Maddy's toys. Why? Why do we have all this shite?!?

The movers will be here between 8-10 tomorrow morning. I'm hoping it's closer to 8, as we are supposed to have rain tomorrow afternoon. It's also supposed to rain on Monday ~ come on rain! If it does, T will have the day off to help me UNpack all this stuff. :) I'm all for that!

Maddy seems confused by the changes around the house. She keeps looking around with this incredibly puzzled look on her face. Poor kiddo. She has no idea what "moving" and "new house" mean to her life. All she knows is that all her stuff is in boxes and Mommy and Daddy are frazzled and dirty. lol The puppy? Same deal. He's cowering under a blanket on the bed right now. Poor kids.

This will be my last computer time until Tuesday or Wednesday at least. The FIOS is being discontinued here on Monday, and installed there on Tuesday. So no TV until Tuesday. (Yikes!) This means that we should be mostly unpacked by then, since we won't have anything else to do. lol

Better run ~ need to get another load of laundry going and pack up the bathroom. Have a great week, y'all, and I'll see you when we get back online!

Kim

2006-10-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

Well, we didn't get to go to the air show on Friday. Maddy was running a fever when she woke up. Poor little pumpkin ~ she just can't seem to shake this nasty virus. I'll be making an appointment to see her ped tomorrow...I'm a little concerned that she may be getting her first (!!) sinus infection. She has tons of green snot today. Blick, blick, blick! (The fever was gone by Friday afternoon, go figure!)

DH came home late late Friday (almost midnight) from being out of town, and left again this afternoon. He'll be back for Fri/Sat next weekend, and then probably have to leave again on Sunday. I'm realllllly tired of this. I miss him when he isn't here!

We met with our Wish Granters this afternoon at 1:30. Awesome ladies, both of them. They brought Maddy a light up spinning toy (a huge hit) and a "Wish Pillow". So sweet. We talked for about two hours and filled out paperwork. The suggestions they made were:

1) A wide-screen/big screen or plasma TV and a bunch of Disney/children's DVDs. Maddy has low vision, and really likes to watch Noggin. This would be something that she could enjoy every day. She also loves football and baseball games, and this would make it easier for her to enjoy watching the TV ~ she wouldn't have to wear her glasses to see the screen. We gave the okay, and that's our first choice.

2) A trip to San Diego to the zoo and the aquarium. They also have a "swim with dolphins" program out there somewhere. My only concerns about this are Maddy's hate for anything that disturbs her routine! lol She is usually pretty happy in the plane for a trip, and okay for a day or two, but that is IT. Then she's ready to be back at home and in her own bed/routine.

3) We left it blank. We simply coudn't come up with anything that MAW offers that would be appropriate for Maddy. We nixed Disney (too hot for her ~ she has a hard time keeping cool when it's warm/humid, and that's hard on her heart, so that's out). We also nixed several other ideas for the same reasons. She just can't take heat. Thus the San Diego idea ~ the temps are moderate there (apparently? I've never been....) and the TV, which isn't reliant on temperature.

The WG's were pretty sure that the TV will be approved. They'll call us and let us know when it's in the works. Of course, when we asked Maddy if she wanted a new television, she perked right up and looked at the TV, nodding her head "yes" over and over. I was glad that they got to see that. The rest of the time, she was pretty quiet. She still isn't feeling very well.

They also told us about the MAW Gala that we'll be invited to this spring. Black tie, formal, and for all Wish Kids and their families. Apparently, it's a really neat thing, with lots of activities for the kids and their parents. I'm glad I bought Maddy the lavender dress from an auction! It fits perfectly, so as long as she doesn't have another growth spurt, she will be wearing it to the Gala. They also have various other activities throughout the year that she'll be invited to (meet players from the Cowboys, Rangers, etc.). They said to watch the mail. It's really neat to be a part of this. I think it will make this year really special for our Moo. She's turning 10 in a few weeks.

We never heard from the nurse that we're supposed to interview tomorrow, so I don't know if she's coming or what. That frustrates me to no end. Her Medicaid is dependent on the respite care, so the longer it takes to get someone in here, the longer it takes to start M. services. Arrrgggghhhhh. They overnighted the care notebook to us (got it Saturday morning), so I was halfway expecting to hear from the nurse yesterday. No such luck. Maybe she'll call in the morning. I must say, I'm already peeved at her and I haven't even met her yet. lol They told me she would call "by Sunday" so we could get together. Guess she missed the memo. I hope she doesn't just show up tomorrow expecting to work! I have final say over who works with us, and since she couldn't be bothered to call....welll, let's just say I am not enthused right at the moment. We'll see....

We did get final paperwork done for her new wheelchair. It's going to be so cool. Such a princess chair ~ it will have pink and purple on it, butterfly wheel covers, bright yellow wheels, and her name embroidered on it in script. Too pretty. Should have it in a couple of month, I hope....

Have I mentioned how much I miss my husband? Because I really do. It's too dadgum quiet around here when he's gone. Plus, the king bed is waaaaayyyy too big for just me and the puppy. No cover-thieving, either. I barely know how to act! lol Wish he was home already, but since he just left, and the weather is supposed to be good, I'm not expecting to see him before Friday night. Again. bleah

Better try to get some sleep. I'll have to be up again in 3.5 hours to change a diaper, and then again 3.5 hours after that to get the Miss ready for school (if she gets to go....)

g'night.

Monday, Monday...

2006-09-25T23:43:00.000-05:00

I used to absolutely hate Monday. It was the day I had the worst time waking for work, no matter how restful my weekend was. It was the day that everything that could go wrong, did.

Not so much anymore.

Nowadays, I love Monday. It's the day that Maddy goes back to school. The day that DH goes back to work. The day that I am able to catch up on my sleep and have the house (mostly) to myself. Is that selfish? Probably a little bit. But it's my diary, and if you can't be selfish in your diary, then where can you be?

Seriously, though, I didn't sleep at all last night. My headache came back very late in the evening, and by the time I got ready to try to sleep, it was already morning. (Often the flashing lightshow that is my aura prevents me from sleeping in the dark. Such pretty colors in my eyes....) So, I just stayed up. Got Maddy ready for school and on the bus, then came in, ate some breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and crashed for about 4.5 hours. I was up about an hour before she came home.

DH got home about 7, as is his normal schedule when he's in town. We ate leftovers for dinner and caught a couple of shows on the DVR, while flipping back and forth with the MNF game on ESPN, of course.

Maddy was extremely grumpy, and spent most of her afternoon and evening either crying or hitting one of us. Poor pookie. She still isn't 100%. Matter of fact, I hear her in her room right now, whining. I gave her medicine a little while ago, but it hasn't kicked in yet. I feel so sorry for her. She hates having a stuffy nose, and has picked scabs on both nostrils and the inside of her nose. Also on her forehead and her chin, of course. She looks like Carrie at the Prom when she picks the scabs with her nimble little finger.

*****later*****

I have snot all over me now. Poor babykin. I wish I could make it all better. She was sweaty from crying and had managed to get out of bed and to the floor. I don't know what it is about the blanket on the floor that makes her so much happier than her mattress, but it does. She rarely spends an entire night in bed. Usually, I spend the first couple of hours she's in "bed" transferring her from the floor to the bed. More often than not, she is in the floor when I get her up for school, too. Usually snoring. At least she takes her security blanket with her now.

Better run ~ she's gearing up for another scream-fest. I'll check back in when I can. If you have any good ideas on how to keep a sick kid in bed, let me know. Sleeping with Mommy and Daddy just means further to fall when she gets out of the bed, so that's out. I'm outta here!

I feel like I'm fallin' for Fall....

2006-09-25T06:16:00.000-05:00

And that darned Moose A. Moose from Noggin won't stay out of my head! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, it means that you don't have a toddler or toddler-type who lives and breathes Noggin on a daily basis!)

Seriously, it was 98 on Friday afternoon. This morning? 52 degrees. That's a 46 degree differential in, what, 60 hours? We've had the windows open all weekend, enjoying a northerly wind and sunny, pleasant days. Simply beautiful weather.

I love Fall. This is my favorite time of year; from now until the end of November, anyway. I'm not too fond of December (too much Christmas mayhem!) but I love Halloween and Thanksgiving. Maddy's birthday and our anniversary also fall (ahem...) during the Fall (11/22 and 11/25). In five days, it will be October. Already! I'm planning on spending the week working on the Halloween decorations and perhaps some planning for Maddy's Decade Party.

Speaking of Maddy, she is feeling ever so much better the last couple of days. Her nose is almost completely healed. She's having a bed party even as I type this brief note. In about 30 minutes, I'll get her up and ready for school. The bus arrives at 8:05. By then, she'll probably be sleepy. lol She usually naps on Monday mornings on the bus. Smart kid. She stayed up waaayyy too late last night (was still up at 1 AM!) and will likely be cranky this afternoon. Fortunately, Daddy will be home tonight, and I'll bet we all sleep well...and early!

Our friend Bear stopped by last night. He had a date in a small town nearby, and dropped in on his way home. It was wonderful to see him in the flesh. I haven't seen him in what feels like forever, although we usually speak by telephone at least a few times per week. He recently finished school for his Class A CDL. He leaves on Tuesday to go OTR as a trucker! I'm amazed that he finally did it. He's turning 40 this year. I think it's something of a midlife crisis for him...he's wanted to go OTR for virtually as long as I've known him (which is a long damned time!) and he finally did it. Good for him, say I. He's really looking forward to travelling and seeing more of the US. There's a big part of me that wishes I could go, too ~ just get in a vehicle and drive...far away! (Not a big truck, though, please! I can barely park my mid-sized sedan; I certainly can't be trusted with anything as huge as an 18-wheeler! lol) He won't make much money at first, but he'll make enough to support himself and pay his child support...and he gets to go all over the country, to boot. Pretty awesome. By next fall, he'll have been OTR for a year, and he can look for local driving jobs, with better hours and better pay. He may even drive for T's company. Or, maybe he'll fall so in love with OTR, that he'll never come back home. Follow your dreams, Bear ~ we love you, big guy, and we want you to be happy!

Oops...gotta run. I just noticed a small, smelly puppy gift on the rug and I need to go spot-clean. Bratty dog. More later....

{insert pithy title here}

2006-09-21T02:33:00.000-05:00

Why is it that Fall officially begins in two days, yet the forecasted high for Friday is 97 degrees?
Why, after almost 10 years on the waiting list, did we finally receive the Medicaid Waiver for Maddy, only to be told that her "Medicaid won't actually become effective until respite care is in place."?!?
And if the second point is actually TRUE, then why does her Medicaid card state that her coverage started on 9/9/06?

Just a few questions I'm pondering as the hour creeps toward three AM.

I do have an intake appointment set up for tomorrow for an interview with a respite provider, but I have no idea how long it will actually take to get the provider in our home. I've already requested her new wheelchair, feeding supplies (including formula! yippee!) and diapers, and a slew of other Medicaid-provided items that will save us, on average $300-$400 per month for her care. Suddenly, I feel like we're going to be okay. Really, really okay. It's almost like hitting the Lotto, in a strange way.

Respite care isn't something we particularly need, but we definitely need the Medicaid coverage. It will pick up all medical expenses that our traditional insurance does not. A nice thought when you consider that her last hospitalization lasted for almost a month, and cost upwards of a million dollars. Our co-pay was only $500 for that nightmare, but with the new insurance plan, we'd be responsible for *gulp* 20%. Plus, our insurance has a "lifetime maximum" of $2 million. Two hospitalizations, and we've maxed out her coverage. At least with Medicaid, we don't have to worry about that happening. She can stay on it for the rest of her life ~ no maximums, and no co-pays.

I feel absolutely no guilt whatsoever about partaking of this particular social program. Matter of fact, I firmly believe that anyone who bears or adopts a child with special needs should automatically qualify for this benefit ~ no waiting. I know that's an unpopular stance with my conservative family and friends, but those people haven't been in the predicaments we have been in over the years with Maddy's health care expenses. I've fought with insurance companies, while working crappy hours for lousy coverage (and I worked for an insurance company!); my husband has passed up lucrative job offers because they didn't provide health insurance for dependents, and we've been "out of pocket" to the tune of, literally, millions of dollars over the years. We even had to file bankruptcy because of medical bills that we couldn't afford to pay. At one point, I applied for SSI for Maddy, hoping to qualify her for that so we could get Medicaid for her. Our family of three made "too much money". The Social Security Administration representative that I spoke to on the telephone actually told me to ~ and I quote ~ "Divorce your husband, honey, then you'll qualify for all kinds of aid."

I laughed out loud. This, from an administration that is supposed to have "family values" at its core? Yeah, lady, I'll look right into that.

Needless to say, we've made it. To the top of the list. Last December. And her Medicaid card arrived last week. Now, we've just got to get everything in the pipeline....

Had it not been for friends and family over the last several months, we literally would have starved. T was off work with his broken leg, and I am on permanent leave from my job, due to migraines and a bad back. No income = no formula, diapers, or food in the house. Friends stepped in and bought gift cards for food, brought formula and diapers, put gas in my car, paid for doctor's visits for Maddy ~ you name it, they were there for us. My family even helped with the mortgage and the electric bill. I thank God for them every single day. And I can't wait to start paying them all back...or paying it forward. Now that we're back on our feet (T, literally!), I hope that we're able to do some good for others.

The bell just tolled three AM ~ I need to go change a diaper and try to sleep. I just didn't want another week to go by without getting something down here...I'm trying really hard to make good use of this blog.

Thanks for reading...

It's been a long time since I rock and rolled...

2006-09-10T01:07:00.000-05:00

And it's also been a long time since I blogged.

Life, you know. It has a nasty habit of happening while you're making other plans.

The summer was hectic. Maddy was home with me daily, despite my almost-daily migraines. This meant lots of playing with really loud toys, lots of singing songs and telling stories and reading books, and lots of crying quietly in the bathroom for Mom. I also wore my sunglasses in the house for most of the summer, of course.

Just recently, it's finally cooled down a bit and started raining again. I love the thought of Fall coming soon, even though I know in my heart we are likely to have at least another week or two of blistering temps before it actually arrives. I just can't wait to get out my pumpkins and put up a Harvest wreath. I really hope that Sandy has her Halloween party this year ~ Maddy has THE cutest witch costume in the history of, well, ever ~ and she simply MUST wear it to a party.

Buddy is doing quite well, although he's still have trouble housetraining. Stubborn damned dog. I know this about mini dachshunds, of course; they all think they run the house, and can pee wherever and whenever they want, but I had conveniently forgotten it. That's what happens when you wait 16 years between puppies! lol He's starting to get the hang of it, though, and I had the carpets cleaned yesterday, so my house no longer stinks of boy puppy pee. (Blick! Such a nasty smell!) I could see the cleaner's nose wrinkling when he walked in. We had him out a couple of times last year, after Gretchen's final illness, and he had the exact same look on his face. I think he must be a cat person. lol

Madalyn was sick all week last week. One of the 10-fingered carrier monkeys at school infected her with a nasty head cold. I swear, she stays well as long as she stays home. Let her go to school for more than a few weeks, though, and it's snot city at my house. She actually has a bruise on her chin from asking for more medicine. Poor little doll. She was feeling much better today, though, and I think school will resume for her on Monday. Yippee!

DH is going out of town on a job next Monday. He was supposed to leave tomorrow, but they pushed it out a week. Thank God! I was dreading spending 9/11 alone. Well, with Maddy, of course, but she's really a lousy conversationalist. What I want more than anything for Monday is for nothing bad to happen, and for my family to be safe, and all together in one room. I pray I get my wish.

My SIL called today. Dearest MIL is having her gall bladder out sometime in the next couple of weeks. She's been really ill since last Saturday, and finally went in for an u/s on Friday. Her favorite surgeon is out of town, though, hence the wait. I pray it's an easy surgery and she recovers completely. She and SIL are supposed to be here in November for Maddy's 10th birthday and T'giving. We're so excited about their trip, but we have to get past this worrisome surgery first.

Me? I'm the same as always. Sick. In Pain, with a capital P. But still pluggin' along. Or maybe ploddin' along, depending on who you ask!

I got my feelings pretty seriously hurt at my parenting site yesterday, but I'm not dwelling on it. (Trying not to dwell on it?) I just unsubbed from the board where it happened, and I'm moving along. It's so hard to fit in with catty women. Even if you've known them for years, one person can turn the tide of public opinion about you in an instant.

I stewed over it some last night, but when I woke up this morning, I realized that it just isn't worth my emotional health to worry about them. I love to scrapbook, and for me it's usually a solitary occupation anyway. I don't care what they think of me, so why did I let it keep me up last night? Silly. Just silly. Anyway, I'm moving along. I can still enjoy my other boards...so far...and if this kind of thing keeps happening over there (and it's happened now several times in the last couple of years) I may just have to give up and move on. I must admit, it would feel really strange to leave after all this time (8 years, people!), but if that's what it takes to keep my mind and emotions in check, then that's what it takes.

Time to change my sleeping princess and crawl into bed.

*yawn*

DH update

2006-04-22T12:40:00.000-05:00

We took him to the doctor last week, and the news wasn't so hot. He now has two areas of "non union fissure" ~ basically, two areas where the bone is no longer growing together. He got some new exercises to do, and we take him back on 5/25.

I'm really concerned. I had to leave and go pick Maddy up from the bus, so I wasn't able to talk to the doctor. Therefore, I have absolutely no idea what comes next if the exercises don't work. (He didn't ask...MEN!) Soooo...let's just hope that the exercises work...right?

Maddy is doing well. She's loving school, and really loves having Daddy home when she gets home. When he's working, he usually gets home just in time for a hug and kiss goodnight. She's pretty spoiled by all his attention. lol

My headaches still suck. Rocks. At least 3-4 days per week, I have a major migraine. Despite all the medications. Despite reducing stress. Despite everything. I guess this is just how my life will be from now on.

So there ya go ~ an update on all of us. How 'bout that? LOL

Have a grand weekend, ya'll ~

Realllly bad blogger

2006-04-21T18:40:00.000-05:00

Seriously, why can't I keep up with this? I just haven't. I've been over at Myspace. It's so easy to update over there. I already have friends who can find me there.

Still, I should update here. I have friends who find me here, too....

I'm going to try to be better about this blog. Really.

Test, and other stuff (of course!)

2005-11-30T16:57:00.000-06:00

According to this test, I'm 97% (Dixie). Is General Lee your grandfather? LOL

Too funny. Ya know, I'm not Southern. I'm Texan. Yes, Virginia, there is a difference.

Maddy got birthday presents from her Aunt Sissy and Auntie Mis yesterday. They arrived wrapped in totally cool purple paper that had silver hologram stars all over it. She was extremely interested in the paper. Not so much in the unwrapping of the presents...but definitely the paper. lol She did like the rhinestone hearts on the sleep tank tops...really cool. And I love the fact that Aeropostale has a monkey for a mascot! (Aside: How do you pronounce that word, anyway? I asked my 17 year old niece, who said "Air-o-pahst'-ah-lee". I think "air-o-post-all' ". Is it regional? Anyway....) I constantly call Mads "monkey" ~ so appropriate. :) Thanks to two great aunts! {{{hugs}}} y'all! We love you. I'll get a pic of her for you as soon as she wears one of her new tees.

Gotta run ~ time to hook the wee one up for her evening feeding. She's gonna be pissed ~ I'll interrupt her afternoon nap.

Happy Birthday, baby...

2005-11-25T16:17:00.000-06:00

Here are a few pics from Maddy's birthday party. She had a ball, and received way too many gifts. :) She is just a little bit spoiled!

(photos deleted)

Maddy in the poinsettias

2005-11-21T18:48:00.000-06:00

Maddy in the poinsettias
Originally uploaded by kimmie68.

Just had to share this photo ~ it was our first attempt at a card photo this year. She actually smiled! On request! Amazing.

Will update later on...

2005-06-26T14:38:00.000-05:00

...lots going on right now. :)

Let the sale begin...

2005-06-14T01:21:00.000-05:00

I spent the weekend preparing for a garage-sale type event on my IF and parenting web site. Today, I posted the items for sale. It was a lot more work than I was prepared for, but I'm glad I did it. Hopefully, I will get to see some cute little girls wearing fashions From Maddy's Closet. :)

My child has grown freakishly large. No, not for a "typically developing" child. Just for a child with CdLS. She was wearing a 5T on her birthday this past November. Today, her shirts are...gulp...8's! She actually has a teeny belly roll. And some back fat. Whoa. She is my child!

So, I'm starting the "gotta find a new wardrobe right the fuck now" dance. She's set for summer. Lots of little shorts, capris, and a couple of sundresses (for that pesky invitation to High Tea with The Queen.) It's school that I'm mainly concerned with at this point. I've been shopping (online, of course) and I just cannot find any little schoolgirl-type skorts in her size. Why is it that my 8 year old should dress like Britney Spears? I'm sorry, but since she doesn't really care what she wears (and I do), I refuse to dress her like a Pop Tart.

I know I'll find The Wardrobe. Shopping online for clothing is not fun, though. I am very tactile ~ I like to touch the fabrics. Sometimes how a fabric feels in my hand is more important than how it wears, or how it fits...if the fabric feels cheap, I don't care how cute it is, I won't buy it. Unfortunately, most typical shopping venues have this annoying habit of utilizing flourescent lighting and obnoxious Muzak ~ and with this damned migraine, I really have no tolerance for either of those things. Or salespeople. Nope. Total lack of tolerance for salespeople...especially shrieky ones like you usually find in the pre-teen department at the major department stores.

Uh oh. I hear thunder. Maybe I'd better shut this down before I lose it.

Will write more ~ sometime. ;)

Imagine...

2005-06-11T03:39:00.000-05:00

I got this in an email. Thought I'd share....

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good that she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself,
who listens to her own needs and desires,
and meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the present.
A woman who has walked through her past,
who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf,
who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness,
who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is,
who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom,
who refuses to use previous energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women,
who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What a wonderful affirmation of the power and mystique of Woman.

I printed it out and hung it over my desk.

Embracing my laugh lines is easy. Overlooking my bulges is not.

Fun item from an email...

2005-06-10T18:35:00.000-05:00

I checked this out, and was surprised at how much my birthdate revealed about my personality. (Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo....)

http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

You entered: 6/25/1968
You were born on a Tuesdayunder the astrological sign Cancer.
Your Life path number is 1 *.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2440032.5.
The golden * number for 1968 is 12.
The epact * number for 1968 is 0.
The year 1968 was a leap year.

As of 6/10/2005 6:34:39 PM CDTYou are 36 years old.
You are 444 months old.
You are 1,928 weeks old.
You are 13,499 days old.
You are 323,994 hours old.
You are 19,439,674 minutes old.
You are 1,166,380,479 seconds old.

Julian date: The number of days since noon 4713 BC January 1.

There are 15 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 37 candles on it.

Those 37 candles produce 37 BTU's,or 9,324 calories of heat (that's only 9.3240 food Calories!) .

You can boil 4.23 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birth tree is:

Apple Tree, the Love

Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

There are 198 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were born was new.

* Golden Number: A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold.

Epact Number: The moon's age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year.

The Life Path Number The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

My "Life Path Number" is 1, which says that:

1
The Life Path 1 drive in this life is characterized by individualist desires, independence, and the need for personal attainment. The purpose to be fulfilled on this Life Path is that of becoming independent. This is a two part learning process; first, you must learn to stand on your own two feet and learn not to depend on others. After you are indeed free and independent, you must learn to be a leader. Many of our Generals, corporate leaders, and political leaders are men and women having the Life Path number 1. The 1 always has the potential for greatness as a leader, but they may fail as a follower. Many 1's spend most of their lives shaking off their dependent side. When this happens, there is little time left for enjoying the rewards to be gained through independence. The individual with Life Path 1 has to overcome an environment in which it is very easy to be dependent, and difficult to be independent.

A person with positive 1 traits abounds in creative inspiration, and possesses the enthusiasm and drive to accomplish a great deal. Your drive and potential for action comes directly from the enormous depth of strength you have. This is both the physical and inner varieties of strength. With this strength comes utter determination and the capability to lead. As a natural leader you have a flair for taking charge of any situation. Highly original, you may have talents as an inventor or innovator of some sort. In any work that you choose, your independent attitude can show through. You have very strong personal needs and desires, and you feel it is always necessary to follow your own convictions. You are ambitious, and either understand or must learn the need for aggressive action to promote yourself. Although you may hide the fact for social reasons, you are highly self-centered and demand to have your way in most circumstances.

When the 1 Life Path person is not fully developed and expressing the negative side of this number, the demeanor may appear very dependent rather than independent. If you are expressing this negative trait of the number 1, you are likely to be very dissatisfied with your circumstances, and long for self-sufficiency. This is defined as the weak or dependent side of the negative 1 Life Path. On the strong side of this negative curve, the 1 energy can become too self-serving, selfish and egotistical. Over-confidence and impatience mark this individual.

No photos, please....

2005-06-09T01:58:00.000-05:00

No photos, please....
Originally uploaded by kimmie68.

Look at this darling. She is so dadgum cute! I wound up having to return this dress and buy a larger size, though...this one was just too tight in the chest.

Gotta love the large bruise on her leg, too.

methinks

My chat with a psychic...

A book meme!

I've been writing...

Linky Love

This song is rockin' my Wednesday morning

What feeds you?

First Day of School

You turn around...

What a beautiful day it was...

It only takes 21 days to confirm a habit...

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 30 ~ I did it!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 29

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 28

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 27

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 26

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 25

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 24

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 23

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 22

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 21

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 20

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 19

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 18

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 17

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 16

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 15 ~ HALFWAY THERE!

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 14

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 13

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 12

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 11

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 10

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 9

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 8

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 7

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 6

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 5

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 4

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 3

NaBloPoMo ~ Day 2

NaBloPoMo ~ Entry 1!

Another quiz...too funny!

You Are an Ingrid!

School Daze

Pictures of You

Thanks; sleep and the full moon

A meme

update on the spots

Sports & Spots

A meme!

Birthday Recap

My last weekend...

6 months later...

Sad day today.

A meme...

Happy October!

Thankful for...

Things that are pissing me off right now

One of my favorite sites...

PostSecret

Time keeps on slippin' slippin' slippin'...

Monday, Monday...

really down. *bleah*

It's been a month...

She reached her goal...

She's coming home...

As I suspected...

Momma update...

Sunday Night

Other mother update...

Bad news for my family...

The HPV vaccine law in Texas.

Things could definitely be worse....

Maddy update...

Sick of poop...

What a week!

Stupid Cowboys.

The Poop Wars...

Since I'm awake...

Maddy's eye appointment...

really down. bleah